Month: November 2014

I was in a deep meditation yesterday, and realized that fear is a part of my identity.  I don’t know how to be my “self” in a condition of deep relaxation.  I must invent that self, never having been it.

And one can easily psychologize my posts from yesterday. Without saying ANYTHING about the truth value of what I posted, one can ask why I sought all that out. It was there two days ago, and a week ago and a year ago.

And the answer lies in this vacillation I am increasingly feeling between relaxed well being, and the fear that the other shoe is getting ready to drop.  Back and forth, back and forth.  One can start with fear and then justify it.  There are plenty of ways to do this, from global warming/ecological devastation, to preoccupation with an Islamic Nuke/EMP.  It’s all there for you to use, if you so choose.  All of them will allow you to direct your life along that path of that fear.  They can give meaning to you, if you choose to use it that way, but not deep meaning, as I would understand it.

What happens if you realize Global Warming is bullshit?  Or that Iran has no intention of sacrificing itself in its crusade for vengeance on the world?  What happens if sustained peace and prosperity break out?

On some level, to find peace one must accept death, daily death, a daily reckoning, a daily dance with life which you remember will never come again in exactly the same way, and accept. You accept the passing of what just was and will never be again. You accept in that act the value of the present moment.

Living well and dying well cannot be separated, in my view.  Mourning cannot be separated from joy, freedom from constraint.

I am not saying anything new, but I feel it perhaps more than I normally do.

Well, now I’m getting used to the idea of “crisis actors”.  Why wouldn’t this be next?  I couldn’t stand it.

http://www.fromthetrenchesworldreport.com/are-you-just-a-believer-or-do-you-think/41807

It only takes one blatant, inexplicable fact to destroy an entire narrative.

Here’s another link: http://deepinsidetherabbithole.com/The_Boston_Bombing_Hoax.html

What is happening?  There seems to be a rot deep within this nation.  It is not in the ordinary people, who have in many respects been made mediocre by an inferior educational system, which teaches conformity and not critical thinking, and fails to impart basic facts about finances, economics, political theory, and history.  Those people by and large are decent, just dumb.

Where it lies is in the failure of our elites, our alleged best, our supposed best, those who are supposed to be smart, to be the experts, for everyone else.

These people have been failing for a very long time, and their failures have directly supported these increasingly brazen false flag operations.

Edit: 3 people supposedly died in the bombing: Krystle Campbell, Martin William Richard, and Lingzi Lu.  If it was a hoax, what happened to them?  Did they ever exist?

That will have to wait.  I am screwing my sleep time up completely.

Well, this person has this to say: http://nodisinfo.com/more-proof-of-the-richards-family-hoax/

Krystle Campbell: https://archive.org/details/KrystleCampbellALIVE

Lingzi Lu, nothing found yet, but if she was a “foreign student” she would have had family to claim her.

One last link: http://www.freedomslips.com/boston3.htm

Edit: I’m not going to say definitively that this bombing did not happen.  The photos seem to show staging going on, and otherwise inexplicable behavior, but there are two layers to this: 1) it didn’t happen; 2) it wasn’t done by who we were told did it.  I am not the only one who found it profoundly weird that Dzoker got a throat wound between being caught and the time he wound up in jail.  It seems obvious to me that AT A MINIMUM more people were involved than we have been told.  There are a number of things that just don’t add up.

And am I the only one who remembers that when this bombing–or whatever it was–happened North Korea was threatening us with nuclear war?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BplUD6kQYuU

This is a long speech by a former high level FBI officer (I assume his claim is true).  Here is his Wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Gunderson

He apparently was considered to head the FBI as a whole. This guy is not a kook.

1) The first World Trade Center bombing was the result of a bomb provided to an informant by the FBI, named Emad Salem.  The FBI had, or should have had, foreknowledge.

Link: https://archive.org/details/1993WorldTradeCenterAnFBISetup-TedGundersonAnthonyJHilder_0

2) The Oklahoma City bombing was also done by the government.  It used something called a barometric bomb.

Link: http://goldenageofgaia.com/2011/04/23/michael-riconisuto-on-the-barometric-bomb-that-brought-down-the-murrah-building/

Link: http://www.deseretnews.com/article/660197443/Nichols-says-bombing-was-FBI-op.html?pg=all

3) 9/11 of course was also an inside job.  I have posted extensively on this, and am evolving to the conclusion that our government–parts of it, not all of it, or even most of it–were involved.

4) There seem to be cults operating in the US.  This case is much more circumstantial, but not absent either.

http://educate-yourself.org/cn/ciadrugsabusemurder.shtml

Here is a video he mentions I have not yet watched: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQHrbJPhus4

We need to remember that most people are good.  Most people object strongly to such evils.  We are not helpless, even if ALL this is true.

I feel I should add as well that it’s 3 in the morning, and I”ve been  at this 4 hours.  I am perhaps missing some obvious objection, but it seems to me, logically, that people who are nuts do not rise to be considered to head organizations like the FBI.  There has to be a history of competence, analytical intelligence, organization, drive, and integrity.

This is the first time I’ve seen this allegation with regard to the first WTC bombing, but as I noted some months ago, the case is clear that Oklahoma City cannot be explained as ANFO bomb.

Here is a copy of a letter written by an Air Force Brigadier General with (according to him) considerable experience in bomb damage assessment saying it could not have been the result solely of the alleged sole source: http://okcbombingtruth.com/docs/PartinReport.pdf

That’s enough for tonight.

Edit: I got a shitty night’s sleep, but am awake enough for now.   Gunderson says there are I think he said 60,000 human sacrifices a year in this country.  That sounds absurdly high.  If he said 100, I could see it.

I don’t know what to believe.  I go in and out of this conspiracy theory.  9/11 my mind is 100% rock solid on, and once you take that trip down the rabbit hole, a whole lot more comes to seen possible.  I’m going to leave this alone for a while, though.  I served my cause of summoning fear, and distracting me from inner work I would otherwise have been doing, but that’s not really a very good cause.

I will return, though.  I will return.

The perfection of mourning is the perfection of wisdom.  I think I would summarize my philosophy of life thus, at the moment.

Everything we see is always simultaneously being born and dying.  There is nothing in this world you can hold on to, but love.  Love necessarily implies an ability to die, to be reborn in every moment.  It is simultaneously a great joy and a terrible curse.  Reconciling these two aspects of it is the essence of wisdom.  There is something beyond both: peace.

Everything you love will die.  You will die.  But you always have the present moment, and the closer you stay to it, the more life you will have before your dying and rebirth elsewhere.  These are of course core Buddhist teachings.  It is my belief that we need something beyond Buddhism, though.  Something new, something for our time, and our places.

[I’ve added things, so the flow is not great.  I’m OK with that.]

As I slowly open up–and I’ve been doing a lot of work recently I have not discussed here–I realize, I feel, how much I lost growing up, how much could have been there, how much should have been there, the happiness I could have felt, the relationship I could have had with parents and brother.

Thawing emotionally is like thawing physically: it hurts.  Unpleasantness opens up, which you had hidden in emotional numbness and more or less conscious forgetting.

To begin anew, you have to mourn what was–and what could have been, but was not.

The other day I posted on recently, where I felt bursts of happiness, and relief from the constant attacks I feel in my psyche every day, I also felt considerable irritability. I think sometimes growth is learning to pay with the worst, so you can get access to the best.  They must be mixed, because they HAVE been mixed: all possible joys have been pounded with deep sorrows, twisted and enmeshed, and then frozen.

They have their own energies, their own pathways, but everything that is in there has to come out and you have no choice, no way forward, but to take the good with the bad, and accept all of it without complaint or resistance.  You must have stamina, and patience, curiosity, and perhaps even a sense of humor.

And it occurs to me there are types of humor.  We might perhaps speak of the humor of acceptance, and the humor of rejection.  Robin Williams practiced the latter.

I’m sure I must have posted on this at some point, but I have this theory that most people exist consciously in perhaps 60-70 percent of their personalities, their experience, their psychologically important facts.  This is what they know.  This is what they think about and allow themselves to feel.  The remaining 30-40% is where Jungs Shadow lives.  I don’t think all of it is negative, but I think much of it is.

Comedians who practice the humor of rejection, who live their lives avoiding their sorrows and rages by making people laugh, percolate the tensions that create the absurdities that make us laugh from their unseen self, via a visible, and perhaps outwardly vibrantly happy and alive self.

I would contrast this with the ability to laugh at ourselves, with love, with affection.  I think I’ve spoken of this before, but one of my proudest moments with my oldest was when she came in to the living room laughing and crying.  She had hit her head on a closet door in the bathroom, bounced off reactively, and managed to hit her head on the OTHER door.  She found this stupidity and clumsiness hilarious.  I thought “I must have done something right.  This is a resilient kid.”  As indeed she is.

That’s enough for now.

From roughly 21 until this year, I avoided psychotherapists.  I found them, to the extent they had an effect, harmful.  They seemed to facilitate whininess in me, and helped describe my problems well, without being able to solve them.

When I went to see one this year, she noted that it is very common for people to wait until their 40’s to begin processing deep emotional scars, because until then it is simply too much, your life is too chaotic.

We have this concept in our culture of a “mid life crisis”.  It tends to be viewed as a crisis of realizing one has been living inauthentically, and our culture is blamed.  I would submit that deep wounds often simply take half a lifetime to emerge fully enough to be dealt with.  Alternatively, we take half a lifetime to develop sufficient emotional strength to deal with such things, which causes the part of us which tries to protect us from overload to keep secrets.

I felt happy the other day, several times, inexplicably.  For people unfamiliar with long term depression, happiness is an odd emotion.  You look at it with skepticism, like a bird that has landed for a moment on your windowsill, but which obviously is on its way somewhere else.

And I felt happy in the middle of a demanding, frustrating twelve hour day, which was followed by another one.

And it occurred to me that feeling happiness when you are supposed to be angry, or sad, or whatever, is a sort of rebellion.  We tend to assume that rebelling must be an act of anger, of overthrow, of attack.

But is not happiness an attack on sorrow?  Is it not overthrowing what was in favor of what could be?

Thus I would meander.  Yes thus.

For some reason this word came into my head.  I looked up animal imprinting, and this is the first thing that came up: http://www.sparknotes.com/biology/animalbehavior/learning/section3.rhtml

The gist is that certain things at very early ages can more or less get plugged into what we might term the “machine code” of our biological system, such that they are hard to undo (or impossible, if we accept the current state of knowledge as final.)

We are spiritual animals.  We are part machine, part pure freedom.  It seems to me our task, at this stage of our spiritual via biological evolution, is figuring out fully how the machine part of us works, so that we can CHOOSE to alter ourselves, or perhaps, allow energies we summon to guide us, and do the work necessary so we can follow more closely.

http://madworldnews.com/black-man-advice-black-people/

Please watch this link before reading further.  It takes five minutes, and is worth the time for most people, particularly the black folks this is addressed to.

I want to underscore something: I have met a lot of really smart, switched on, motivated black people in my time.  I have also met the opposite.

The issue with black people in this country, today, is CULTURE.  I have ZERO DOUBT that most people born black in this country are very much capable of much more than they are usually asked for.

Do you help people assuming the worst of them, or the best?  This guy, here, is assuming the best.  He is an optimist.

And he has reasons for optimism.  Blacks are not inherently stupid.  I don’t believe this.  They are TAUGHT to be stupid, by people who benefit from taking advantage of the bad decisions that result.

I seen no reason, no reason, no reason, that blacks in this country cannot be well off, live in nearly crime free neighborhoods, go to excellent schools, and be considered the cultural equal of whites not because somebody penalized whites for speaking the truth that they see, but because that IS the truth that they see.

If you look at people like Frederick Douglas, they were clever, inventive, eloquent, and decent.  We can and should see much, much more of this.

I hate racists.  Racists are the people who say: “It’s OK that you are inferior.”, or “Of course you commit more crimes: that’s just what blacks do.  We forgive you.”

Can we not start accepting blacks into our generalized cultural dialogue in ways other than pretending that we aren’t racist?

Can we stop versions of “isn’t that cute?”

Here is my truth: I’m having trouble letting go of this Ferguson thing.  The whole thing makes me angry.  It never should have come to the mass destruction of (largely) minority owned businesses.  Black people were crying tears of rage and frustration as a result of the actions of OTHER black people, who claimed they opposed racism.  Bullshit.  So much stupidity.

Hell: I’ve had a few.  I will leave it at that for now.  I’ll leave with a question: do YOU think you are helping black people?  How?  If you were doing the opposite, would you have the courage to admit it?

True compassion results in purposive work. It may begin in a sentiment–actually it SHOULD begin in a sentiment, that of feeling the pain of others, of life–but if it ends there it is nothing but a drug, and one at that with clearly destructive potential.

Let me ask: what people of color are helped by white guilt, actually? What is the specific value of moral posturing, superficiality, vanity, and false promises?

What people of color are being helped by making a kid into a martyr who was plainly on his way to jail or an early grave anyway?

And can we not safely assume a kid that size with severe anger issues bullied other black kids? There were probably kids he grew up with who were secretly glad he was killed.

This is of course speculation, but what is NOT speculation is that substantially ALL violent deaths of black people are a matter of complete indifference to the poseurs, the part time righteous people.

I think about this stuff daily, and have for years. What happens in our ghettoes is obscene, and I said this often .

But none of what The Usual Clowns suggest is going to help. It hasn’t thus far, after a half century of trying.

Many things make me angry, but destructive self righteous hypocrisy is near the top of the list.

It’s time for black America to grow up.  To stop whining about past injustices, and using them to explain current failures that were and are very much within their control.  To stop believing some rescuer is on the way to make everything better with no effort on their part.  To stop excusing their children from studying hard and getting ahead.  To stop lounging around on porches complaining about the world (if you think this is a stereotype, drive around the projects in your town on an average day in any season but winter).

To take heart, to summon courage, to acknowledge its own role in its own failure.  They have access to free schools, to preferential treatment and scholarships at most colleges, to hiring.  They have access to free libraries, the internet, and to all the learning they could ever need.

All the tools any sovereign people, any sovereign individual, could ever need, have been laid out.  Not only that, but they have been implored to use them.  We white people have begged them to use them.  Many many white self identified “liberals” have made it their life’s work getting black people to do things THEY DON’T WANT TO DO.

This is childish.  And it is not racist to say so.

We have reached a point where we have to choose between abdicating moral values entirely, or calling bullshit on this massive failure.  If we are to continue tolerance, continue hope that just ONE MORE program will make all the difference, then we must perforce cull from our minds any notion that it just could be their fault.

And if we grant that it IS, in the end, their fault NOW, then we must grant that one more program won’t do a damn thing, at least in the old mold.

Charter Schools: these work.  Democrats oppose them.

Vouchers: these work.  Democrats oppose them.

I am tempted to say that absent the cynical Democrat abuse of black voters we would have an integrated black nation now, one with self respect, low crime rates, high levels of literacy, and high levels of economic achievement.

Only awful people would oppose that.  But if you like awful people, Hillary will be on the ballot soon enough.

Posted this on Facebook:


Michael Brown got shot–apparently on all accounts from people who were there, a number of whom were black themselves–because he was a thug. He did a strong arm robbery of some Indians, was walking, high, in the middle of the street with his buddy, gave the cop attitude who asked him to get out of the middle of the street, got arrested then went for a cops gun, got out and started to run away, then changed his mind and charged the cop, and then got killed. He was a thug, a fool, and someone who was going to either end up killing someone, or dying under someone elses gun. 


The lesson to learn here is that personal responsibility matters. The mother and father? They are to BLAME. At 18, a kid is just acting out what he was taught. If he was taught nothing by his parents, he is acting out what he learned from other kids whose parents ALSO did not teach them anything. The riots? They are crapping in their own neighborhood. They will be having trouble buying groceries and cigarettes in a few weeks. They are not showing anyone anything, other than that they are losers who are unwilling and unable to work within their own communities in a sustained and mature way to elevate the level of culture, to learn to value self restraint and educational achievement, to take responsibility for their children and themselves. 


At issue is a simple question: are black people INTRINSICALLY inferior? If so, then perhaps the efforts of the left wing to paint them as helpless, childish, victims is accurate. I choose not to believe this. I believe that they are the equals of whites, but have been fed a pack of lies by awful people for 50 years, telling them the world owes them something, and that it is being racist whenever it doesn’t put out the red carpet. 


This is bullshit. It turns them into helpless children, who have no choice but to throw temper tantrums, as here, when they don’t get their way. These riots will accomplish NOTHING. The agitators and journalists who did so much to create and enable them, will leave. And the fools who listened to them will have to live with the consequences of what they did last night for many, many years. No one will invest in Ferguson. Jobs will be even more scarce. The police will stop policing, making it more violent. 


All of these are obvious truths nobody seemingly any more has the courage to state openly and clearly. Political correctness does not elevate or protect anyone: it is a cloak for evil, for the rejection of true Liberalism, for the rejection of true morality.