Month: November 2018

I’ve seen varied links to this set of data in recent days: https://www.infowars.com/u-s-life-expectancy-is-falling-and-the-2-biggest-reasons-why-will-absolutely-stun-you/

I will make several comments.

First, pretending our border doesn’t matter is effectively equal to saying that our nation, and our political culture, do not matter.  This itself is tantamount to saying that WE don’t matter.  If you let people walk all over you, you are obviously dealing with serious shame and self loathing.  Allowing in tens of millions of people who just want to sponge off of us is a way of committing national suicide.  This is what the Europeans are doing.  They don’t seemingly care to live any more, not as nations, not as cultures, not as inheritors of a history worth a shit.  And most of their leaders are not sufficiently optimistic about the future that they have had children.  Macron and Merkel and May: all childless.  As the song goes, “only stupid people are breeding”.  The rest of them think they know better.

And I would like to point out that our leftist political culture is telling us that if we have ANY positive feelings about our nation, its history, or our particular ethnic group (if it is white, because God knows all white people are the same, with the same history, with the Irish exactly equal to the Germans), then we should feel shame.  We should also feel shame if we don’t like our history.  In fact, the only people who don’t need to feel shame are those who spend all their time telling OTHER people to feel shame.  It’s a fucked up situation, embraced only by fucked up people.

And if you are minority, you are helpless.  You are told to feel proud for being a victim, but victimhood and pride are not natural companions, to put it mildly.  And there is no pathway to earned self respect.  Everything is given.  You are what you are.  All black are equal.  All Latinos are equal.  All women are equal.  The only way to climb it to intersectionalize yourself, and that still does nothing to actually empower you in your daily life.  You just get better seating at the political luncheons.

So shame here, shame there, shame everywhere.  Nothing to hold on to. And Trump of course is going to destroy the world.  Fucking Trump, fucking fucking fucking Trump.  If only we had elected Hillary: rainbows across the sky as far as you can see, sugar plum fairies, and pots of gold.

Pure childishness, in other words.  And if I might frame it this way, someone with Borderline Personality Disorder more or less functions with a two year olds emotionality, in an adult body.  It is wildly inappropriate.  It is exhausting.  This is why BPD suffer from depression and suicidality.

And if I might generalize, in the lead ups to both the Bolshevik Revolution and Nazism, there was mass nihilism, mass blackness, mass anomie and angst.  In both of those cases, I think that large scale events created pervasive attachment failures, which created kids who were naturally supportive of any political regime which involved mass conformity, strong emotion, and violence.

I’ve commented that Nazism, psychologically, can easily be seen as rooted in the attachment failures of parents who had children during and after World War 1.  In Russia, you had both the war in 1905, the first World War, and you had people who were more or less proud to call themselves Nihilists (it is a Russian term, or originated there, and was applied to people who looked and acted like hippies) infecting everyone with atheism and pessimism.

The psychological stage is set for fascism in this country.  It is arising among children whose parents didn’t love them effectively for whatever reason, and who suffer mental illness, and a hunger that goes down to the seat of their souls to be members of a mindlessly conformist group authorized to commit acts of violence against innocents.  They need a channel for their rage, and an antidote to their alienation.  And they need a sufficiently good moral background that their innate self loathing can be held in check long enough to satisfy their blood lust.

As I continue to say, it’s hard to be optimistic.  But my work continues.  It is possible to be happy in a fallen, depraved world.  It is possible to float atop the muck, as in the much used Lotus flower metaphor.  And sooner or later a bullet or the Grim Reaper in some other form will find me, and I too will see what is next.

Until then, I will do my best to speak the truth, to embody truth, and to do my best to guide others to it.

I understand now that self destructive behavior–what we call self destructive behavior–is actually a mercy.  It is the effort of our unconscious–or whatever we call the silent Watcher within our psyche, the one who only communicates when it thinks we can handle the communication–to protect us from awful insights.

You sabotage yourself, you create problems for yourself, you distract yourself continually and call it ADHD (or at least the people in the seats in the offices do, but most people seem to me to be happy to “have” something like that), all in order to avoid seeing the Sun of the Primary Wound, the thing that you cannot see, cannot unsee, and cannot live with.  Many of us–I won’t presume say say most of us, although that is likely true in some places, for example inner city ghettos–have a primary developmental failure.  We have a scar from before we could speak.  A terror, left over from a world when we could not walk, could not talk, could not reason, but were quite equal to the tasks of mistrust and fear.

My family mythology claims that I turned myself over at a week.  This is not supposed to be possible.  I believe it happened. I was trying to get the fuck out of there.  I failed, obviously.  Babies fail.  That is what they do.

My work continues.  I will call it here Ocean work.  It is the work of the white whale.  It is diving deep, deeper, and staying there, for a long time, and looking around in the darkness, and trying to bring light.

In my own particular case, I think I have reached the bottom, cognitively. I am still trying to process it emotionally, but I have a pathway.  The way is difficult, but relatively open.  I walk a stone path, but a path nonetheless, now.  A direction is a true mercy.  We all need it.  We all seek it.  Far too many of us fail.

Imagine a baby, a newborn baby, whose mother, the very first moment she lays eyes on him, feels disgust and repulsion.  Imagine this baby is highly sensitive, natively intelligent.  Oh: consequences.

For me, it is important to always be swimming whatever direction the world is not swimming.  I have long watched lemmings will themselves to fall off emotional and intellectual cliffs.

This is not self pity, and it is obviously not a call for attention or the pity of others.  It is an extremely interesting story, one I have been desperately looking for all my life.  And there it is.  There it is.  It’s ugly.  And it is fantastically beautiful.

I am alive, amazingly.  I am alive, against all odds.  I am alive, to write these words.  I am alive, to speak new words, and to walk over that next hill.  I am alive, when I was cut immediately after my first breath.  I am alive, in a world of pain, to say and feel there is something else.

It is a miracle.  It is marvelous.

This is an arrival. This is a celebration.

As I understand it, after Trump ordered all the intelligence declassified that fed into the appointment of Mueller, the British MI6 objected that it would compromise some sources and methods, so he pulled back.

However, given that the British used those sources and methods to help our own intelligence people more or less plant false evidence to get Mueller appointed, we should not worry about what they think.  Those people are not Trump’s friends, and he owes them nothing.

In my view, Trump needs to tell Mueller to put his cards on the table, and do it now, or he will again order that everything be declassified.  It has been two years.  Mueller needs to stop this shit show.  Whatever integrity he may once have, whoever he may once have been, he is no more.  He has become a Javert obsessed with Trump, and willing to break any vow, any code, and any law to do it.

And Javert, in the end, did the right thing.  There is no sign that spirit has any residence any more in this craven and awful man.

I am close, very close.  My only remaining task, and it is a formidable one, is walking out of the hell I have spent my whole life pretending did not involve me.

I am absolutely, categorically willing to give my life for this.  That, I think and feel, is the only way.

Wish me luck.  Not in death, to be clear, but in new life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXxHfb66ZgM

Nobel Laureate who is old school enough to still remember the basic math and critical thinking skills he learned in grade school.

I feel this great cave at the center of human existence.  We all have an entrance to it, one usually hidden in the back of a dusty closet filled with unused things, and the refuse of the long ago.

One can go there, and feel the origin of all that floats in our world, our dreams, our shapes, what we feel: all the answers are there, but long before words.  There begins the possibility of words, but their flowering happens outside of the cave.

I am indulging myself here.  I talk too much.  It is a pendulation away from what I have taken to calling–somewhat technically inaccurately–Primary Process work.  For me, the primary process is what is fundamentally true.  It is the beginning of true spiritual work.

My dreams have been unusually deep lately.  I am seeing things long hidden, and it is freeing me.  I think I stand a good chance of becoming human in the not too distant future.

Change which is resisted feels like violence: violence to the past, and violence to the past as it continues to be expressed in the present.  And violence is inconsistent with qualitative growth.

To grow, you must not say “I am growing”, without feeling it as welcome.  Better yet, is simply allowing curiosity to express itself, to wonder what comes next, and to find it interesting and challenging in a good, even fun way.

Ideal growth, I might say, is wonder combined with distraction and movement.

This may be true, or true-ish.  It is what I feel like saying at the moment.

This Christian woman in Pakistan–this heroic Christian woman–is being persecuted for drinking from what was considered a Muslim water source.  That is my understanding. 

She is being persecuted, in other words, for the same reason a black woman might have been in the South for drinking from a “Whites Only” drinking fountain in, say, 1920.

But as bad as segregation was, by and large death was not pronounced, and certainly not pronounced publicly by civic leaders.  At their worst, they would don hoods and do their dirty work in the dead of night.

I read today Theresa May, in perhaps the most blatant signalizing of what a weak, cowardly nation the UK has become, refused to grant this woman refuge out of a fear of Islamic disapproval.  Put another way, the bullies won.  The bullies always win, if you allow them to dictate the rules of the game by being a coward.

The political Left will in one moment scream about past racism, about poll taxes and Jim Crow, and in the next grant such policies full approval, when practiced by the same sorts of people, and for the same reasons, if they do not speak English.

Put another way, they believe NOTHING.  It is an intellectually empty creed, with nothing to excuse its abuses of logic and common decency.  Conservatives fail sometimes.  This can be said because 1) we believe something; and 2) we can compare what we believe with what we do. 

The same cannot be said of the Left.  They cannot fail, because they never submit to the rule of intellectual coherence.  They merely shout one thing one day, and something else the next.  It is the perfect morality for people with fundamentally unstable personalities.

Orwell, in describing the sort of dystopian society that many public intellectuals were trying to bring about then, and continue to try and bring about now, was describing a society which bred Borderline Personality Disordered people.  Such people crave both strong emotions, and social conformity.  They are bred for authoritarian rule.

And such rule suits people “with” Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and Anti-Social Personality Disorder.  And when the society is thoroughly fucked up, these sorts will be everywhere.  Love is a fiction to them, which they nonetheless love to invoke, since it retains some value as a tool to cover up their crimes.

I saw the latest Harry Potter, the “Crimes of Grindelwald”, and thought it appropriate that Johnny Depp told his companions that they were never to talk of murder, punishment or retribution, but only of justice and truth and  liberty.  Something like that.  It is the leftist creed.

And on that score, I think it safe to assume Joanne Rowling has some degree of Developmental Trauma Disorder.  She understands it well.  She understands the authoritarian personality well.  But she fails, even now, to draw the logical line between her understanding of human psychology, and the necessity of political conservatism, or at least Libertarianism of some sort.

You know, the 20th anniversary of the Kyoto accords came and went last year: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyoto_Protocol

I remember the heated rhetoric.  I remember Al Gore and James Hanson telling us all the horrible things that were going to happen if we didn’t do something IMMEDIATELY, back then.

Hell, I will admit to voting for Al Gore in 2000 because I still believed in global warming then.  We didn’t have another 20 years of evidence then, which we do now.

The simple truth is that there is nothing going on anywhere on the planet which is not easily and best explained as weather.  Some years the glaciation is larger, some smaller, but it is staying within a range.  And as I have said many times, natural climatic variation on Earth can and has extended to the melting of all the ice at both glaciers.  That has already happened.  Much of Earth’s history had no ice on the poles at all.

NASA uses land based measurements to make their pronouncements, and they do this for the cynical reason that such data is easily modified to say what they want it to say.  Longer term satellite data shows absolutely nothing remarkable, and in particular no significant events in the layer where CO2 has most of its effect.

And logically, why would there be?  The atmosphere is already saturated with enough CO2 to absorb nearly all the heat it is capable of absorbing, which is only about 10% of the spectrum (a fact not emphasized by any of the true believers or their handlers). 

If and when this collectivist fever breaks, we should see this as one of the biggest and best funded hoaxes in human history.  “Science”, per se, should have broken it into small pieces a long time ago.

At root, Meaning is a felt sense. It is an emotional state, one of relative balance and organization in the central nervous system. Finding a meaning of life intellectually is not hard: FEELING like your life and action are meaningful is much harder.

People find what they are prepared to find, what they want to find. And what they do not want is, or can easily be made, invisible.

The problem of the meaning or meanings of life, then, can only be solved adequately with better CNS integration, aka relaxation.