Much of my parenting has been intuitive, and largely based on doing the opposite of what was done with me, but it occurs to me this was the other side of a little ritual/game I played with my kids. I”ve described it before, but perhaps not quite this way.
I would tell them “I love you”, then ask “do you know why I love you?” And they were supposed to say “why” even though they knew what I was going to say. And I would say “because you are my daughter and because you are lovable.”
So this creates a triple stability. They are told they are loved. They are told my fidelity is absolute even if they choose to act unlovable. And they are reinforced in the traits which make them lovable, while hopefully internalizing as an on-going permanent sense of their self that they have worth and value.
Neither of my kids has acted out in the slightest, and I don’t think they will. Their teenage years were as easy–actually easier, since I rarely see them–as their earlier years.
It all depends on the relationship you build, and build is the word. Words do not matter at all. What matters is who you are, and whether or not you actually care about them.