We are supposed to process our “shadow”, right? What does this mean? When the process is complete what happens? All sunshine and rainbows? A permanent loss of the ability or desire to lose your temper? Utter and continual fearlessness?
Does this sound reasonable to you, FOR you? Not for someone else. For you. Is there any continuity in this idea with life as you have lived it thus far?
Not for me. It’s waves. It’s ups and downs. If you want to abstract, it’s averages but would you really want to determine mathematically the average color in all the paintings in the Louvre and draw some inference from it?
Here is what I feel at this moment: managed violence is like an enormous, wakeful, watchful dragon just sitting there in an emotional garage. You are not feeding it or ignoring it, encouraging it or avoiding it. You are simply allowing it to exist as a POTENTIAL aspect of your experience.
Seen like this, it is an emotional tool, at your disposal. In my view, none of us should really want to eliminate the capacity for anger or violence. What happens if you see someone hurting a woman, or a child, or for that matter the average male-ish checker at Target (actually, that one I will be dick enough to admit I might let play out for a minute, which itself is a chosen moment of latent brutality, that is a part of what is good in the whole)? Or a man being attacked by a mob?
What if righting or preventing some act of cruelty requires violence?
I have on several occasions heard from the hippy dippy sorts “But what if you could have prevented Hitler by KILLING him?” This is a source of confusion for dedicated non-violent vegans, but me, I’d cut his fucking head off in a heart beat. Or I think I would. That’s not a choice that’s ever been needed by me.
So this is a bit of a ramble. I have anger in me. I have hate in me. I’m no saint. But what I am is on the surface. You can see it, and I can certainly see it.
To my mind, that is vastly healthier and better for all than the sort of deep deep delusion needed to, as one example, see what amounted to a channeled protest labeled an “insurrection”, and people rightly angry at the certification of a patently problem ridden election “traitors”. Traitors are the ones who opened our voting systems to foreign nations, as OUR OWN MILITARY INTELLIGENCE SAID THEY DID. At least 6 nations, I read, including China, North Korea, Iran and probably Venezuela and Cuba.
THAT IS TREASON. Forming pacts with foreign nations to undermine US interests and sovereignty.
I won’t go into all that at length. You either get it or you don’t. If you have doubts, dig, but don’t dig at CNN. Dig at Gateway Pundit and Epoch Times and places like that.
And I will note that the condemnation of Gateway Pundit is not that they are reporting false news. It is that they are UNAPPROVED. That is the gist of it. “You are quoting an UPAPPROVED news source. I can’t listen to that. I might lose my–“. Hmmm. What WILL you lose, listening to voices the complicit media does not want you to hear? Your naivete? Your political virginity? Your bad ideas, that on some level you have always known would fold at the first wind of honesty?
Yeah, so that is me being angry. Some fire comes out of the dragon sometimes. That dragon is in fact dangerous as fuck, but no, I never feed it. It will stay in the garage. There will simply be the smell of sulphur sometimes in what I write.
I have a very sharp Kukri I keep by my bed. With a clear opening, I could kill anyone with one swing. I don’t ever want to do that. But I feel sure I would if I needed to.
This knife is a symbol to me. It symbolizes the rejection of helplessness. I know guns are better than knives, but I’m still a knife guy.
I really don’t think you can be a spiritual person and embrace helplessness fully. I think you can embrace DEATH fully, the reality of it, the threat of it, and be spiritual. That is more than I can manage at this time, and failing that, I think all of us need to make peace with our ability to wage war.