I will comment though that I think admitting you cannot control something is often the first step to controlling it. This is, if memory serves, the first Step of the 12 Steps (Ten Steps? I’ve only been to one meeting. They gave me the book, but I couldn’t get over how many people were crying inside over their lost friend).
The goal is gain control through truth telling. Me, I feel rage and fear. They do not originate with me. They were planted there long before I could speak, and I have spent my life pretending they did not exist–or perhaps at times that I had them under control, that I had and have my emotions under control.
And I will comment too, as I have periodically, that none of my political ideas are going to change, I don’t think. I have reasoned my way into them. They are not dependent on emotional noise. What I expect to change is my skill in persuasion, and my patience when dealing with people who I view as idiots. Patience wins, where intelligence alone fails. That might make a good motto.
I’m reading “Slaughterhouse Five” and finding it therapeutic. As I remember commenting some time ago, perhaps a year or two ago (who knows: maybe I recycle this idea at precisely 276 day intervals and have for the past ten years), small doses of pessimism and even nihilism can be therapeutic.
I was actually daydreaming today about a clinic filled with slogans in groups of three, that people could pick from. 1) Winners never quit; quitters never win; 2) Winning is overrated and a lot of work; focus on fun; 3) Most winners are assholes and I’m sick of sucking up to them. Something like that. I could come up with better triplets, but that whole notion seems vaguely Vonnegutian. Vaughn uh GOOSHUN. Shit man, if people are thinking it, they trust you more if they see it on the wall. If you can’t meet people where they are, then where are you, and why are you pretending to be somewhere else?
You know, humor and curiosity are linked in some way I will have to smoke on. I will need to buy some smokes first. I love my cheap cigars.
My world is getting better, and it feels really, really weird.