I am feeling increasingly good. I have lost 35 pounds or so, but have only been able to do so because I am calming down. 20 more or so and I will be a lean, solid 230.
My system has been to lose 5 pounds, then maintain that weight for two weeks before lowering the bar. I weigh myself and take my belly measurement daily, and write it on an erasable board in my bathroom. I use the Lose It app, and shoot for 150 grams of protein, 30 grams of fiber, and whatever the calorie count is.
I think lowering through a series of plateaus helps me get psychologically used to being that new weight, and I also think there are memories contained in fat, or in a certain sort of body memory, and they need to be processed. If you lose too much weight too fast, you can’t process them, and psychically you are just stretching a rubber band which is bound to contract back, sooner or later. You have to relax into a new way of being in your body. All of us get fat by using food (and of course booze, which was my main issue, although food was too) as a drug. If you don’t deal with what caused you to use food that way, your weight loss will not last.
I’m going weeks not just not getting drunk–I’ve done that before–but not even WANTING to get drunk. That is new.
This blog represents a series of spasms, in a way. It is a labor of love, but it also represents an outlet for manic energy, for my childish urge to impose my will on the world, to be relevant, to matter, to feel some sense of control, which of course I really don’t, in any important way. What will be, will be. That would probably sound better in French.
My history of keeping my word when I say I am going to stop blogging is not good. Terrible, in fact. Really terrible. It feels like I would lose a friend, something important, a vital outlet. And maybe I would.
But I am going to try and take the leap again.
I will share a couple thoughts first, though.
1) It seems to me that Leftist AgitProp had really created the sense among many that black people are a different species of human, that their “experience” somehow partakes of a mystic unintelligibility for us white folks, and that in some latent way we nearly need to worship them.
Here is the reality: all of us–or most of us–have had the shit knocked out of us emotionally at some point or other. All of us have had people make unwarranted and negative assumptions about us. All of us have been discriminated against. Black people are not a different species of human. You can talk to them, you can listen to their stories, and you can compare them to your stories. You know what? There is a lot of overlap. They are not that different from “normal” people. Yes, that was consciously an echo of the racism of the white people (mainly) comprising and running BLM.
I think most normal black folks, looking at the white people wanting to kiss their feet, have to be thinking “what the fuck is wrong with these people?” Some, of course, seeing suckers all around them, figure out how to take advantage of it. It’s a target rich environment, for sure, and honestly I can’t blame them. How often do any of us get people begging to be taken advantage of, and heaping praise on us for doing it?
2) I have been calling the global lockdowns a crime of historic proportions. What they also represent is an historically unprecedented abuse of expertise, of the secular scientific priesthood, and the trust we place in such oracles and leaders. THEY ARE LYING TO US. They are not doing science. None of these responses are tested, and none stand up to scientific scrutiny.
We should be copying Sweden or Switzerland. This is an unmistakable FACT. It can’t be argued, in my view. So why aren’t we? Because our priesthood has been corrupted. It’s unbelievable, the venality and recklessness of people we should be able to trust, but obviously can’t.
I am quite bullish, by the way, as far as Trump. HCQ will prevent serious complications, in my opinion, and with zinc and Azithromyacin he will probably get through this whole thing without significantly decreasing his work load. He’ll sleep a few more hours a night for a few days, but I think that will be about it. I may be wrong, but I doubt it. The actual science seems reasonably clear.