This is the main difference between us and animals. Animals only react to what is actually there, or to what they reasonably suspect to be actually there. The same with people whose lives do not demand large amounts of daily abstract thinking.
And of course if you take someone given to abstract speculation, and give them an internet, which is in the main filled with bad news, at least where reporting is concerned, it’s no wonder so many of us have de facto anxiety and other affective disorders.
I’m reading a book called Fearvana. So far, it is not knocking me off my feet, but it is always good to hear the old in new ways.
And it precipitated the realization in me that I have a deep seated fear that if I’m not out fighting on the internet every day, the bastards will win.
Don’t laugh. You are ridiculous too, in your own way.
Arguing on the internet feels like a way of exerting control. It feels that way. But the claim that I make a difference really doesn’t stand up to much scrutiny.
And in any event, taking a break for a month or two, or even a year or two, can’t be all that bad. It’s important to me that Trump get reelected, so I’m sure I’ll be doing my thing in my neck of the woods, but whatever happens, I need to back off all this, and let this fear and this driven compulsive behavior go.
And I think neurologically, I am triggered all the time. The fight or flight or shame is triggered when I wake up, and shuts down only reluctantly and after attacking me several times when I go to sleep. Fighting on the internet gives me a way to ground it. The fight comes first, and the reasons only after.
I continue to make slow progress. A turtle’s progress. But daily, step by step. It’s the best I can do. I am very sure of that, and doing much less would be much less difficult. I hope to find the light one day. But it is many many miles down the road for me. So be it.