And to the extent we identify our selves with the mind, to the extent we have ego investment in the mind, our problems come to identify and define us. We are our problems. We are our ontological angst, magnified daily by our readings and recurring assumptions about what life “is”.
All of our psychological problems exist within us, and they exist in the form of recurring failures of psychic energy to flow freely. The Tibetans seem to more or less conflate all psychological dysfunction as “Kun Zhi”, which means “all ground.” All ground is no air, no motion, no moving. Being stuck.
As I meditate more deeply I can feel primitive emotions loosen in the warmth of attention and come free, like a tree branch stuck on a rock in a river coming free.
One of the attributes of getting through Kun Zhi–and I am referencing Kum Nye theory here–is letting go of one identity–that of our problems–before the new one can emerge. It is a period of confusion and doubt, but absolutely necessary.
And I can see one me walking out a door, and a new me–a realer me, who I have secretly known all my life–walking in.
And what I realize about myself is that my obsession with problem solving–which you can see littered all over the internet–has been really a sort of displacement to avoid feeling feelings that I am finally getting to.
I just ordered a book on attachment disorders from early childhood trauma. It looked quite interesting. I may not need it for me if this progress continues, but as I have said often, I think early childhood trauma is much more common than people suppose.