I realized today that you can never, ever fully get rid of your Shadow realm, psychologically. Not only that, but that trying to do so eradicates all your positive energy and emotion too. It is a realm where things can exist and thrive which do not do well in daylight conditions. Things like the survival instinct, constructive rage, and the ability to draw distinctions between people based on gut intuition. You need communication, but you also need a place for these things to live, and be welcomed and fed.
My issue is that I have never entered into a constructive dialogue with this part of me. This is the key element I have been missing. This is the stupid which crept up on me.
Here is the thing: my addictions (it is more than one) rest on this unwillingness to have this conversation. Some part of me, in turn, punishes me for this failure. Hence the see-saw.
More to come on this topic.