My Trauma Walk seems to be yielding fruit. I have done it twice, and in both cases I have had emotionally deep dreams, which I could tell were dealing with very basic emotional pains.
Last night, it dealt with loss, and the fear of loss. It seems to me you can take one of three basic positions (and obviously, much of this is emotionally colored, but you can think about, and emphasize one of three basic positions, if you think about it at all): you can attach yourself to your own behavior and detach yourself from others and objects; you can live life like most do, being constantly pushed and pulled, alternating between joy in gain and sorrow in loss; or you can take an intermediate position, where you connect with objects, connect with others, but learn to recover from their loss quickly.
Type One is Marcus Aurelius. Type Two is most everyone you know. Type Three is the Buddha.
There is, I think, this notion that you have to emotionally disconnect in order to “transcend” Samsara. That to get beyond pain and grief you have to do WITHOUT pain and grief. I think this notion is mistaken.
Practically, I think many who claim to follow a spiritual path try to focus entirely on the positives, on the alleged Goodness of God, on maintaining a positive mental attitude, on avoiding negativity of all sorts, on attracting the sorts of things they think about, and thereby avoiding pain and horror.
The path I am on, the Tibetan Tantric path, is the opposite of this. It is much more profound. You see, if you are suppressing emotions, you are not befriending them, you are not learning their paths and ways. You are not learning how they flow. You are not taming them, learning to channel them. You are not making them clear, such that you can see what lies behind them, which does not change, and which is in fact a source of endless positive energy flow.
There is a state you can reach, I am convinced, where everything which comes into your life is a source of delight, and when it leaves it leaves no mark. Life becomes a flow of pleasant experiences, without effort, without forcing.
Without lying.
Oh, there are so few honest people. What few there are I think hide, because no one sees them, no one hears them. No one is capable of receiving their messages. If I might, appropriately, quote Don Henley, we live in a “graceless age.”
I do what I can. I cannot speak to the consequences. But when I see that great Light, I will be able to honestly say I left every ounce of blood I have on the battlefield.