And I have a thought, then a reaction. I think something I want, then something blocks me from completing that thought. Then I will my way through it, then get tired. That is perhaps the source of the cycling: fatigue. That makes sense.
But if I follow this thought process of an inability to form new learned instincts–if I am unable to undertake voluntary “imprinting” (can we call it that?)–then what has happened is that different layers of my nervous system are in some respect in conflict with one another.
Obviously, this is historically termed “psychological conflict”, but I wonder if we can do better, if we can be more precise.
I have no resolution, but have come to the conclusion that I am a dumbass. I was reading back through Steven Levine’s book and realized I had forgotten half of what he wrote. Specifically, that the theory upon which he based his ideas is the Polyvagal Theory, so called because it incorporates different forms of the Vagus Nerve. When I say “gut”–and this is why I looked it up, since it seemed to me it might not hurt to occasionally try to speak with precision–I mean the Unmyelinated Vagus Nerve.
Here is what looks like an interesting paper I don’t have time to read at the moment, from the originator of the Polyvagal Theory, Stephen Porges: http://www.stephenporges.com/images/stephen%20porges%20interview%20nicabm.pdf
And I will add, as I do from time to time, a caution that I am not always diligent. I try to be, but this is a personal project, and there is no quality control other than my own attentiveness, and I get lazy, busy and sloppy. Sometimes I think I’m pretty smart, but sometimes I’m saying things that make no sense. It continues to be my belief that the path to wisdom is often through idiocy, but that middle part can get pretty ugly.