In a great many cases, there is a latent emotional tone which even they may not be aware of, but which contains, for practical purposes, the most important part of the communication.
What made me recall this idea is that it is relevant to me at the moment. As is often the case, I am having to negotiate something with someone I don’t know very well. As is often the case, I am forced to speculate as to motivation, background, and the like, with very little concrete information.
If you deal with people enough, you can usually make pretty good guesses. With respect to this specific person, I think I am dealing with resentments he has felt since childhood. I think he feels the need to feel superior to me. I think much of his life has been dedicated to proving wrong all the people who said he would never amount to anything.
It is not the case here, I don’t think, but it is likely I have often made people feel dumb. I use “big” words without thinking about it, because English is a great language, and I see no reason not to plumb its resources.
But, to take that concrete example, when you use a “big” word–let us say the word superfluous counts, for some people–you are using the word, but you are also displaying a level of education, and you are making an assumption the person with whom you are using the word shares that education. If they don’t, they may hear “I am better than you”.
My job is to see and feel this, and if possible to remedy it, because if I don’t, I am telling that person not to feel comfortable around me, not to like me, and not to trust me.