On a deeper level, how many excuses are there for not painting a wall which needs it, for doing our taxes, for reconnecting with an old friend, for doing that project you have dreamed about for years?
And what I saw was that I really have two parts of myself which both wish me well, but have differing myths about the world, differing felt senses about the world.
People we call evil have identified with the appetitive self, with the animal self, which states that a full belly is the same as goodness, that the world is hostile and dedicated to their destruction, and that an aggressive and cruel way of interacting with the world is the only possible response consistent with safety and survival.
Within the shadow, there is a perceived light. And light is perceived as shadow. And, to the point, both parts perceive themselves as furthering the interests of our self. Both view themselves as relative paladins, fighting the good and necessary fight.
Within myself, I am saying there are two brothers within me. Two comrades in arms, both dedicated to my well being, in their own ways, but with radically different, and outwardly opposed agendas. This is why I cycle from one set of behaviors and affect, to another, and back.
Going “into the shadow” is another world entirely, but one which makes complete sense from its own perspective.
Put another way, a more Hindu or Buddhist way, there is no darkness: only ignorance, typically ignorance made possible by a failure of communication. And I would go all hippy and say that all conflict is a failure of communication, but would add that where actual people are concerned, listening is not always present, and if violence is, violence is sometimes the appropriate answer in response.
Feeding the good in everyone can be the only truly humane impulse for a good person, but we always need to start where we are.