The release is made more enjoyable by the tension. When you consider this, it is not really that remarkable that some people add to the tension by adding pain or constraint. It is a wider swing.
And I was thinking the other day about the quality of release on orgasm. You are physiologically wired to be able to release completely, to be fully open emotionally, to let down all your defenses, to be completely at ease. This feeling is the one we really want.
But how safe is that with someone who is a stranger? We are all supposed to be wanting to have sex with different people all the time, at least the men are.
It seems to me, though, that the quality of the sex, which is to say, ultimately, the quality of the orgasms, it connected directly to the level of trust.
The orgasm is very obviously physical for men, particularly, but there is always a latent, body wide potential as well. This of course is very obvious in women, who in general do prefer to feel loved and secure with their partners, for this reason.
An orgasm, in some respects, is an act of trust.
And I think if we reverse this, we can see why some men–it is nearly always men–feel the need for a heightened power differential, as in rape. If orgasm requires trust, and if they don’t trust women, then they need to know that woman is under their control. They say rape is not about sex, but power. I would suggest, though, that it might be better seen as sex through power, as sexual orgasm enabled by power.
I am perhaps doing some combination of rambling and speaking incoherently, but I think there is a thread of useful content in here somewhere.