Rightly or wrongly, I think I understand some of what he went through. He obviously entered “adulthood” with major traumas embedded in his system from a childhood of what I recall he described as neglect, but which likely had other elements, such as parental narcissism, excessive demands, and loneliness.
He never processed these traumas. He likely did extensive talk therapy, but talk therapy does nothing. Done poorly, it can even make things worse.
His humor was a shield, clearly, but he likely also discovered early on that the positive feelings he could generate in others made him feel better. Serving others made him feel better.
But here is the thing with trauma: until you untie the knots, until you loosen the grip it has on you, you cannot relax into the arms of others. You cannot accept help and healing from others, no matter how often or eagerly or sincerely they offer it.
I myself am gradually unfreezing. I will likely have to work tomorrow, after a lot of 6 and 7 day weeks, and I was able to actually imagine being happy about it, singing.
Here is an interesting little tool you should use carefully if you have some visceral trauma: say VOOOOOOOO, for a full outbreath. Peter Levine developed it as a way of loosening literal visceral trauma. You have an enormous quantity of nerve endings in your guts. You more or less have a “gut brain”. And often trauma resides there, as I understand the matter.
In my own case, I usually go into uncontrollable shaking. But this is fantastic. It has an end. If the shaking never comes out, there is never an end.
It’s hard to say with suicides what will happen. We speak of a next life, with most of us knowing nothing of it (we do of course have people who have died and come back to describe it, among us).
My felt sense, though, is that Robin Williams did what he could with what he had. He gave what he had, then there was suddenly nothing left, no reserve, no way of replenishing. He was never led to water.
I aim to be a leader, someday. I aim to find this water, and help others drink from it. All of humanities problems have answers. We are not helpless, and there is no reason for any of us to be alone together.
End Note: I have this vision of Robin Williams in heaven, tremendously relieved that he does not have to pick up and carry his burden of humor and goodwill every day. No one is asking him to, and he does not need to. He can take a walk in a beautiful park, and lose himself, without a care in the world.