Pain

I got drunk last night, while watching the movie “La Femme Nikita”. I don’t remember how it ended, because I passed out.  But it was very triggering for me.  I get her anger.  I get her pain. I am extraordinarily empathetic, and it destroys me sometimes.

And I woke up, and realized I have been in pain every waking moment of my conscious life.  Every moment: everywhere I looked, everyone I saw, everything I have done.

And this is major progress.  The unconscious only grants what we can handle.  You cannot resolve your pain until you can feel it. Most people you see most of every day have pain they will never see, or so it feels to me.  I honestly don’t know what it is like to have had a normal childhood.

And now I can live with this pain, and ease it. I can take care of myself, honor my feelings, go up and down.

The pain is ending.  This is good.  I have been locked in a cage all my life, but now the door is open.

I post these things because I feel it may do some good.  I know I am not the only one.  Whoever you are: carry on.  There are many ships on the ocean, and the sun will always rise and set in new ways.