Moderates United

Severe, complex PTSD with dissociation, with the cause unknown events before the age of 2.

This is pretty much a worst case scenario for PTSD.  Methods for dealing with it have only been developed in that past couple decades.

Having said that, this fills me with optimism, confidence and hope.  It is fantastic news.  I have a name, and a route to follow.  I have a path which I am confident will lead me to more or less full recovery, or at least substantial mitigation of symptoms.

Now, this is highly personal, and nobody’s damn business, but I share this for a couple reasons.

First, anyone who has been reading this blog for a while knows I have some emotional problems.  I have a powerful will and a very strong mind, so I can self correct.  But simply existing is work for me and always has been.

Second, I want to offer an example for any readers I may have who suffer from, or know people who suffer from addictions.

Here is the thing: I believe I understand fully why people take heroin, why Russell Brand took heroin, why Phillip Seymour Hoffman chose to end his life with heroin.

There are traumas you can’t name, you can’t pull up.  There are gaps in emotional development that happen that no normal therapist can identify, much less heal.  “Substances” like alcohol, like heroin, like pills, come to seem like reliable friends.  You can trust them.

And so too with “addictions” like sexual addiction, or video game addiction, or gambling, or workaholism: they take you out of that place you can neither name, face, nor escape.

I want people to know therapies do exist, now, which can help you face and process these traumas.

Missing from the psychotherapeutic arsenal has been treatments for very early childhood.  Holotropic Breathwork can certainly help, but what I experienced was very targeted, and very useful.

But there are very, very few therapists trained in these methods.  Think about this: my trauma is very likely nothing more complicated thanfeeling the terror of my mother hating me for crying too much because I had colic: how common must this be?
 
I think often of the black community, because that is where much of the misery in this country is concentrated.  How often must these teenage girls fail to bond properly with their  babies?  How often must other children have felt and feel what I did?  I think it is extremely common.  This should give us pause.  Decent human beings–Liberals, not leftists–should wonder how we can start to undo all the damage all around us.

We start with ourselves.  That is what I am doing.

And as a link, MDEM is a part of Emotional Transformation Therapy: http://www.ettia.org/

It is not normally a long term process, so you could literally book a vacation to go see one of these therapists, and do 2-3 sessions in a week, and leave feeling substantially better.  Just pay cash, if your insurance doesn’t cover it.

I will add as well that my therapist–this is her website –said that the most common methods used by the VA (immersion/exposure/in vitro therapy) in most cases either don’t help, or make things worse.  If you are a veteran suffering from PTSD, first off, I can now honestly say I feel your pain, and secondly, you should avoid the VA.  Pay cash for treatment with MDEM and/or EMDR. Believe it or not, your symptoms can be dealt with quickly and effectively in the vast bulk of cases.  If you suffer from intruding thoughts/feelings/images/smells/sounds, then EMDR can fix that quickly in nearly all cases.  If you suffer from traumatic grief at the death of a buddy, or from having killed, then Induced After Death Communication–which is a modification of EMDR–reportedly brings nearly instantaneous relief in about 70% of cases, and it doesn’t matter in the slightest if you walk in completely convinced there is no afterlife.

A case can be made that this blog, and my website, and all my other output, is an extended reaction formation.  This would be partly true. But I think it has been my choice to deal with my trauma THIS WAY.  I could just as easily have been destructive, or indifferent.  I have chosen a path of what I consider to be service.  I suffer, so I try to help others who suffer, and this reduces my pain.  As I gain in emotional flexibility and wisdom, my work will be more effective.  One must always keep in mind that even if you are trying to help, you may be hurting, and that is certainly true of me.  Very, very often your best option is to do nothing.  People need to be allowed to fight their own fights, so they can win their own victories.

Well, I saw a shrink yesterday and today for the first time in 25 years or more.  Their methods–or at least those of this therapist–have gotten better.  I did something called EMDR and Multi-dimensional Eye Movement Therapy, which I am having a hard time finding a link on.  With both processes, the deal is you do one or two 2 hour sessions, and that’s it.  In my case, I am doing three, as I apparently do in fact “have” PTSD; or at least I manifest all the classic symptoms.

I would encourage anyone dealing with grief, anxiety, sadness, flashbacks and the like to look these therapies up.  EMDR starts with a headset with tones alternating between ears. and two little hand things that alternately vibrate.  The claim is that it balances left and right brain activity and facilitates emotional integration.  That part, I can’t say helped or didn’t.

MDEM, though, consists in a bunch of colored sticks that she moved through my field of vision slowly, and damned if I didn’t light up with some powerful stuff at certain points.  I pulled out feelings I had no idea were there, and fragments of memories I still can’t decipher, but which were also new to me. I had powerful physical reactions, of the sort I have had in Holotropic Breathwork.

Another iteration of EMDR is just more or less the therapist waving a wand with a colored tip–she had a plastic yellow flower–back and forth while I went into specific memories or sensations.  Again, powerful physical reactions.

Whatever I “have” is apparently pretty deep, because a few run-throughs with the wand normally fixes whatever it is that ails a person, and we did it 15-20 times, and I was still getting symptoms.

I will say this about me, though: my emotional pain tolerance is through the roof.  I honestly think this is my single most valuable trait as a thought worker, other than having a relatively high baseline intelligence.

Most people can’t stand the idea of being mocked, or being alone in a belief, or dwelling for a long time on violent and unpleasant things, or being confused for a long time without giving up.  I can do all of these things, often, and without worrying about it, or feeling sorry for myself.  It’s what I do.  It’s who I am.  My hope for therapy is simply that I retain those traits while adding back in power I have lost to unresolved trauma and grief.

I can only imagine what I will be capable of when I am not carrying around a 200 pound weight.

A remaking of the  world in the image of the sociopath.

http://allenbwest.com/2014/06/bombshell-first-words-bergdahls-father-white-house-arabic/

Bergdahl’s fathers first words is the White House were an Arabic incantation claiming the White House for Islam.  Bergdahl was home schooled, and unless his father has converted during his captivity, one must wonder if he was not indoctrinated to learn the ways of the “enemy”–initially the French Foreign Legion, then later the American Army–then pass them along.  According to soldiers who worked with him, he was constantly asking questions about how things were done, and there is no reason to assume he did not pass along everything he knew during his five years stay in Afghanistan to our enemy.  He should be tried as a traitor.  Treason still has meaning, despite the intellectual depravity of our modern age. Men’s lives have meaning.  We tried to rescue him, because it was the right thing to do, and from what I read 6 men lost their lives trying to value honor and loyalty, traits he spit on with his decisions.

Islamists have no honor.  They have no loyalty, but to their tribe, but to specific people.  They are intellectually incurious, generally lazy, misogynistic, violent, and primitive.

And Obama is kowtowing to them.  It is sickening.

I go to strip clubs on occasion.  Sometimes I just need to see boobs and butts, and the parade will go on with or without me.  Any healthy heterosexual man who tells you seeing naked or nearly naked women doesn’t put a smile on his face is lying. I could feel myself relaxing, sipping on my club soda.

My procedure is simple: I pay my cover, get a bunch of ones, sit right up front, and tip the dancer on stage at least $1 per song.  Many men sit for hours a few seats back, expressionless, just watching, but I want to be sure at least SOMEONE is tipping every dancer something, and showing them appreciation.  Many dancers find it a turn on to have a man’s full attention.

I wait til a girl comes out who really attracts me, then get a lap dance.  I’m no saint, and I have normal urges.  I don’t want a girlfriend until I get my emotional house clean, and I don’t believe in pornography.  It is absolutely beyond my comprehension how anyone could spend hours watching pornography.

Anyway, sometimes when it isn’t busy, after she’s done we’ll just sit there talking.  I’m easy to talk with, and most people enjoy telling their stories.  Last night I talked with a girl whose stage name was Ivy for every bit of an hour.

Among other things that came out she revealed she is into bondage, and has on numerous occasions done rope suspensions, which is where she is completely tied up and hung up in the air like an ornament. Her boyfriend does it, and she even did a rope suspension “show”, where she was part of the decorations for a goth/emo music show.

I asked her if it made her come, and she said “OH YEAH”.

But what she said next I found interesting.  She said it makes her feel free because she doesn’t have to make any decisions.  Someone else is in charge.  She doesn’t have to do anything because she can’t do anything.

This is what I have always suspected, and here is the point of this post: roughly one third of our population  is into this sort of bondage.  Not literally, of course, but the ideology of conformity exists precisely to free people from freedom.  It takes the Duhkha of conditioned existence of the Buddhists and makes it into a positive good.  I think of the Loki lines from the Avengers movie, lines I could have written for him, and it very certainly applies to many in our social order.

There is plenty enough information in circulation to learn about the world.  But large segments of our populace ONLY want to hear that which enables them to remain a part of a group defined not by principle–not by abhorrence of inequality, not by abhorrence of prejudging groups en masse, not by opposition to slavery, not by opposition to violence, not by insistence on human rights, all of these being merely rhetorical props which they use for their demonic work–but solely by the membership itself, solely by conformity to whatever that days “truth” is, whatever that day’s “Kos” is (and I will remind you that Kos is a god in the fictional world of Fritz Lieber).

They hang in the air, voluntarily helpless, and can be swung like swings.  These are the headless people.  They make truly rational dialogue impossible.  They make fixing problems very difficult, because every sane proposal has to make it through a wasp’s nest of lies, distractions, distortions and character assassination.

Edit: she made one other interesting comment, that is was about trust.  I said somewhere that trust rewarded is the ultimate aphrodesiac for women, and this is the logical end point of trust: complete helplessness.

Continuing my analogy with leftists, this would be trust in the government, trust in leaders, trust that no matter what the reality would appear to be if that person were capable of apprehending it directly, that everything they are being told is true.

This is the major difference between Leftism and sexual bondage: the latter is honest, and can at times apparently yield desirable results.

I had an epiphany today.  In my Blueprint for a Capitalist Revolution (that should be a pamphlet, eh?) I pay off all American debt, public and private.  But I have been fuzzy on the new money.

Here is my idea: don’t touch the money.  Every dollar in existence, continues in existence.  The Chinese, for example, hold, say $500 billion in our debt.  We pay them back in dollars created for the purpose.

After the sea change, they still hold those dollars.  We just don’t owe that money.

All bank loans are cancelled.  What do banks have?  Demand deposits, savings deposits, and shareholder capital.  Those demand deposits are still there.  Those dollars are still there.

Clearly, being debt-free will free up money for other uses, which might cause price increases, but everybody who had a dollar, still has a dollar.  It’s just that nobody owes anybody anything.

And to this we would append a Balanced Budget Amendment, such that Congress can only spend the revenue actually taken in.  As I argue, the value of the dollar will quickly increase, so less and less will be needed.

This thing is doable.  I’m convinced of it.  I continue to try and find an economist to comment on it, without luck.  It’s categorically outside of existing paradigms, but I continue to believe strongly that my logic and factual analysis are both good.

I am likely being a bit nuts.  It happens.  Occupational hazard, spending a lot of time in the dark.

I am indulging an intuition.  I often trust my gut.  Sometimes I am right, sometimes wrong, and very generally I never, ever find out.

(and yes, I get that even if I’m right no answer is possible.  I am ridiculous.  But I have fun, and am never bored.)

Bergdahl clearly deserted.  This is evidenced as much as anything by the fact that his fellow troops were, in what is becoming an obviously on-going and widespread policy of Obama, made to sign non-disclosure “we will ruin your life and that of your family” agreements.

He was studying Afghan languages.  He wandered off with no gun into what should have been hostile territory, after an anti-American rant.  He was not executed, which is standard policy with jihadists, as I am seeing soldier after soldier comment.  I personally talked with a guy last week whose unit had 6 guys taken hostage and beheaded.

This guy has been living with them and speaking their language for 5 years.  There was no emergency.  His life was not in danger.  Nobody is saying what the alleged health complaints were, and we are safe in assuming this is all complete bullshit.

His father tweeted, more or less, that 5 free was a good start.

6 men were killed looking for Bergdahl.  All of them, presumably, had families, whose lives were permanently made a little darker by their deaths.

Here is what is happening.  Obama supports Islamists, and anyone else who opposes America.  He tried to get us to go to war in Syria to support Saudi interests.

He wants us to lose the war in Afghanistan.  If you recall, the surge was ordered while he was trying to pass Obamacare.  I think he wanted that off the table as an issue.  Now that he has what he wants, he has outed our CIA Station Chief, which presumably will weaken our intelligence networks and capabilities.

He has freed 5 senior Taliban, who will be forced to do all their strategic planning via internet and courier for one year, and then be freed to renew hostilities.  One can assume it will take them six months to a year to have an effect, which will get the Democrats past the 2016 election.

My best guess is that Bergdahl will then join them.  Why not?  He will be greeted as a hero.

I would like to frame this treason.  Our soldiers are in Afghanistan because they were ordered there.  Virtually to a person, they have conducted themselves with courage and honor.

We think of sacrifice as dying for our country, and dying certainly is that.  But what people fail to grasp is the WORK and EFFORT that even ordinary soldiers endure as a fact of daily life.  I have spoken of ordinary Army grunts I have talked with going on 2 36 hour patrols a week.  How many of you have EVER stayed up 36 hours?  I have only done it once in my life.

And think of the children growing up without fathers or mothers.  I have talked to MANY soldiers who miss completely their childrens first few years, their first words, their first steps.  All because they value America, and want us to remain free.

And all of whom are being actively and very consciously betrayed by this President and the ghouls around him.

NO warrior, no veteran, no active duty military person should fail to grasp what has happened here.  Our President, our Commander in Chief, has violated a law HE signed, because NOBODY in Congress–other than the usual lackeys and fools–would have failed to grasp that letting 5 seasoned military leaders loose in exchange for a traitor is not only a bad deal, but can ONLY be called “providing aid and comfort to the enemy.”

Our Congress lacks the balls to do what should be done: impeaching Obama.  Granted, the Senate will never convict him anyway, but if we take the Senate this year, we need to try.  Obama deserves to be impeached, removed from office, placed in custody as a criminal, tried as a criminal, and sent to jail as a criminal.  Bergdahl deserves a bullet in the back of the head.  Note: I am not in any respect calling for this, as I fully recognize that the guilty very often get away with their crimes, and in no way condone law breaking, but that is what he deserves.  Six men died trying to rescue a man who did not want to be rescued.  That is inexcusable.

And add to this: how many thousands of hours were spent, presumably by our Tier One folks, getting these Taliban leaders in custody in the first place?

A man I know went through interrogation resistance training, and just after it was done, he was on his way home, and it was announced that Clinton was giving away dual use nuclear technology to the Chinese.  As he commented, nothing he COULD know would ever have a shelf life of more than a week or two, but he had to learn to endure torture to protect.  Meanwhile Clinton, as President, could simply gift secret information worth 100x that on the low side.  Insanity.

Our troops deserve much, much better than these pieces of shit.  One wonders how long they are going to put up with all this.  Why give your life for “liberty”, when the guy at the top of the command structure is doing his best to bring about a Fascist dictatorship?  Obama is ten times the threat Al Queda is, and that is likely underestimating him.  If he were me, and I wanted what he wants, it would be done by now.  We are fortunate he is stupid, lazy, and weak.

One of the no doubt unintended effects of Obama’s Presidency is that economic malaise and hyperinflation are not compatible.  Yes, we had the stagflation of the Carter years.  How to explain that?

I think in the mid-1970’s, most households carried relatively little debt.  Having a savings account still made sense.

Somewhere in the mid-1970’s, though, Fed policy made money cheap, and people started charging more things, and borrowing more and more for houses.  A lot of borrowing was going on, which is to say money creation by banks, and that creates inflation.

At the same time, Carter, like all socialists, punished job creators, causing poor economic conditions.  Hence stagflation.  Remember, most inflation is created by bank loans, which are normally made in good times.

This may all be a fabrication of my imagination.  I have not studied that period in depth, yet, but that is my best guess.

Today, though, Americans are loaded up with debt.  People are not taking out new credit cards for the first time, but rather trying to figure out how to pay down the ones that they have.  Mass lending is not taking place, and will not take place until we get a good economic recovery.  The problem is, Obama’s policies make a full recovery unlikely or even impossible, particularly once we tack the EPA onto Obamacare and general nervousness about having a Communist President.

Thus, the collapse of the dollar is postponed, despite the Fed’s best efforts.  They have certainly been laying the groundwork for it.  In some respects, we should perhaps be grateful for this.  It buys time for consciousness raising, and for a Congressional counterattack on this lunacy.

Read this: http://www.dtic.mil/whs/directives/corres/pdf/302518p.pdf

Or this summary of it: http://www.tpnn.com/2014/05/29/report-directive-details-obamas-plan-to-use-military-force-against-americans-within-the-u-s/

Does FM 3.39-40 now make more sense?  As I detailed here, there can be ZERO doubt that this manual is intended for use on American soil.  Add Obama’s illegal executive order to it, and it all makes sense.

Anyone who fails to grasp that Obama was put in place and is protected in place by very powerful people who intend to end our democracy is in my view foolish.  Their standing problem is that Americans are very intolerant of tyranny, the military cannot be counted on to follow illegal and evil orders, and the populace as a whole is very well armed.

Edit: Ponder this list of Federal agencies with SWAT teams (from the second link):

 Other agencies with SWAT teams reportedly include the Department of Agriculture, the Railroad Retirement Board, the Tennessee Valley Authority, the Office of Personnel Management, the Consumer Product Safety Commission, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service and the Education Department.

No one can rationalize that. No new need for SWAT teams has emerged under Obama.  There has been no change, large or small, which could even BEGIN to justify the need for this.  He is simply putting as many guns (and tanks) into the hands of those under his direct control as possible.

I will add as well that even though the loyalty of the military and LEO communities as a whole to him personally as a Fuehrer is very much in doubt, there is ample reason to believe he does have well trained groups within groups–modeled on the Einsatzgruppen or early Cheka (you will note their name means “Emergency Commission”, and I will bring to your recollection that most of the murders of citizens by the government in the French Revolution were ordered by the “Commission for Public Safety”)–who ARE loyal to him.

Think the traitors in the latest Captain America movie, which envisions battles within agencies that may well come to pass, with the exception that if the traitors initiate the action, they will have a huge tactical and strategic advantage in that they will have a plan, and the element of surprise.  Obama can order arms and ammunition sequestered for all but those whose loyalty he is sure of.

And one wonders how they would ensure loyalty.  I had a cousin who went through Marine basic training and was washed out when he refused an order to kill a bulldog their unit had apparently been taking care of.  Do you have to kill a child to get in these units, or at least remain silent about the murder of one?

All of this would seem insane, except to a student of history, which I am.  I’ve read about the rape houses in the early Soviet Union, where Cheka agents would kill the men of families and make their wives sex slaves.  I’ve read about how Bill Ayers wanted to kill 10 million Americans outright.  I’ve read about thousands of bodies hanging from nooses in an early rebellion against Soviet Fascism.  I’ve read of tens of millions starving as a matter of conscious policy, sometimes after the cannibalistic consumption of children and buried dead bodies.

There is no horror you can imagine which has happened in the past which does not still exist within the minds of living men and women.