Moderates United

As recently as the death, the usual imbeciles spouted out the talking points that Castro “instituted universal health care and free education.”  It occurs to me the response is: were these great things?  To this, you can expect to hear, “of course!!!”

If they were so great, then why are Cubans forbidden to leave, and put in jail if they criticize the government?

There is no answer to this.  These points are obvious, of course, but we are locked in a long term battle for human decency and basic truth, and it never hurts to continue efforts to refine winning arguments.

The problem, of course, is that most Leftists now refuse to interact in any fashion with people who disagree with them, and not infrequently fly into violent rages at the mere mention of ideational “alterity”, to use an academic word.

These are two ways of getting things done, but it seems to me obsession is an avoidance–of some deeper emotional hurt–and enthusiasm is an embracing, a love, a connection, a widening and deepening. This occurred to me, since I think I am making connection with the latter.  The former, of course, I have long been on intimate terms with.

Note:  Folks, I bought some cigars, so I will likely have more to say in coming days.  If you like my sort of shit, then this will likely be the sort of shit you like.

To the best of my ability, I am following the basic principles outlined by Peter Levine in treating trauma.  I contact primal emotions, but then pull back; I move in, then move out.  This is pendulation (which is ideally from the pain to a safe space you create in your mind, based on a real memory, and/or an imagined place; I cannot ever remember truly feeling safe, so I wasn’t able to do this very well, so my version is just pulling my attention back, and playing Tetris or something).

  And he talks about titration as well, which is bringing in bits at a time, but in a slightly more steady stream.  That in any event is how I take him.

The difference I think is that in pendulation you are still dissociated more or less fully.  Those feelings exist in a subterranean space that is of course always functionally present, but rarely consciously present.  It might manifest as dread, or paranoia, an underlying sadness, something missing which you can’t quite place.  Contacting it at all is a revelation, and not a very fun one.

In my own case, it seems to be the case that somewhere around age 5 I submitted fully to the idea that I would never be loved and that life was hopeless, completely.  I did not do this consciously, and of course children are resilient, and for long periods of time life itself can keep such feelings at bay.  But I entered this energy the other day.  I entered the feeling of being completely dependent, fully helpless, in the care of someone I feared was going to kill me, and who only rarely made me feel wanted.

If I am honest, I cannot ever remember truly feeling that my mother–or anyone else–loved me.  To this moment, I am not sure I really know what the feeling of love is, although I do think I felt it for my children.  They certainly feel it for me.  I did my job well where they were concerned, even if my issues prevented me from being as effective as I might otherwise have been.  Given what I was otherwise feelings, I think I performed a miracle, to be honest.

Titration is, I think, a more advanced practice, where you maintain, as well as possible, both your old awareness, the one that allowed you to survive, but keep as a companion an awareness that around you somewhere is this other energy that you need to dip into from time to time, and that the process, while sometimes unpleasant, is in the end extremely healthy, and the path to emotional freedom and healing.

Titration can easily lead sometimes to pendulation.  You just have to get out of that place, and return somewhere safer.  But it is the path forward.

I have to laugh–and I do have a gallows humor sometimes–that all my work has been to get to the point where I can now begin the REAL work, which is discharging that energy.

But I have had moments of peace in the past few days, moments where all those old feelings cease briefly, and I feel, I think, like most non-traumatized people feel most of the time.  Progress continues.  My commitment is absolute, even if I do have to take breaks sometimes.

As always, I confess these things, to whom I know not, in the hope of sharing my human journey.  In the end, all is always revealed, and practicing transparency and openness here on Earth is, I feel, useful.  Certainly for me, but perhaps for you too.  Be brave.

I have long said this should be my theme song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2dL-DjAkek

I am a happy drunk, and have many times been told the next day that I was profoundly amusing.  I love everyone when I am drunk, and I feel all their pain.

I feel deeply about many things, feelings that show on my face, which sometimes scare people.  I am in the process of trying to process some deep, deep things in my life, in my past, and oceans sometimes rush on me.  I am a man.  I can deal with it.  I have balls.

But oh, the floods, sometimes.  I would be hard pressed to communicate to anyone the grief, the sadness, the terrors that sometimes fall upon me.  They cannot be shared.  They are mine alone.  And it is good.  I chose this.  I truly believe this.  You should not praise a drill instructor who accepts anything but excellence.

My job, as I see it at present, is to remain present to these deep feelings, and the overall mission, the point of all this, is for me to learn to recover from deep feeling.  To feel deep sadness, to go into it completely, then to slowly come back out of that abyss and feel normally, to be a normal human being, having learned what that abyss feels and looks like.  To explore, and to have the balls to walk into hell, and the recuperative capacity to heal afterwards, and feel and act like a normal human being.

I went into a local bar where I have become a regular, and they have a woman working there who can work a room of men better than anyone I have ever seen.  It is amazing: she can keep 10 men thinking they stand a chance for hours, and thinking when they leave that the next visit is the one that will do it.  Self evidently, she is people smart.  She took one look at me tonight and asked me if I was tired, or grumpy or something else.  I told her the truth, which is that I can feel 5 different things at the same time, and I wasn’t sure which one was predominating, although it was likely grief.  I went to see the movie Arrival last night, and it touched me deeply and I was pondering the role of fate in all our lives.  Maktub?  Feelings flow into me, and I seemingly have the stamina few possess to tolerate their company for long periods of time.

The further truth is that all of us can feel many things at once, but few of us can stay in touch with all those feelings.  Most of us choose one or two, and stick with them.

I am an intellectual, but one who dives deeply into sensations that terrify me.  But what is life without balls?  What is life without risk?  What would be life with perfect security?  If there is nothing out there that can consume me, how can I learn the value of life?  Without daring, what is love?

Presently I have four beers, a bottle of wine, and about 4 ounces of vodka in me, so take all that into consideration.  All of this is truth serum for me, though, and I truly appreciate it.  I thank God for it.  I will push through this phase of my life, but if you could feel what I feel, see what I see, you would understand the mercy offered by intoxication, self poisoning, and following resurrections.

The more I learn about myself, about the effects of trauma, and the more I ponder my parents, the less and less useful the label “narcissist” seems to me.

When most of us hear this word, we think of someone who thinks about themselves all the time, who never considers others, who always wants to be the focus of attention.  This is somewhat true, but it implies choice.

What seems obvious to me now is that such people are made defective very early in their lives by what I suppose we could call Disconnection Trauma.  When as infants or toddlers they seek mirroring behavior in their caregivers, it is absent.  They share their feelings, and nobody cares, nobody responds appropriately, in an “attuned” fashion.  This is horrifying and not processable by someone that age.  So instead they seek from themselves the reactions and feedback that was absent in their environment.  They learn, at a very early age, and well before formal memory development, that they can trust only in themselves, that they must make a world of themselves, that–this is important–there is no one else out there, or else they would have cared for them, and nurtured them.

So at root it is a muted or absent capacity for emotional connection and intimacy.  It is precisely a defect, a gap, evidence of a loss long ago.  It is a type of trauma, and should I think best be labeled as such, particularly if we are to develop methods for helping people cope with these sorts of primal losses.

It was quite obvious among those of us reading non-authoritarian news that the election was much closer than the authoritarian news was making it seem.  Cooking the polls seemed a risky strategy–even my kids picked up on this–because there was a very real chance that people who WOULD have voted for Hillary just stayed home since it was projected to be a blowout.  It would be far safer, if she actually was far ahead, to have made it seem close.  Trump, quite obviously, had considerable momentum, so there was never much real chance that his voters would be so discouraged they would stay home.  Republicans, in general, are more likely to vote in any event.  Democrats are disproportionately affected even by minor factors like rain.

As I think most intelligent people have noticed, the Left, when running a coordinated propaganda offensive, likes everyone to use the same tested, evocative but vague words.

What are some synonyms for what they intend with the latest assault on truth and decency?  Alternative viewpoints.  False opinions.  Dissenting opinions.  Unorthodox ideas.  Unconventional ideas.  Untested ideas.  Unapproved ideas.

This makes the whole thing a bit more clear.  It is worth, perhaps, noting as one example among thousands, that the same people who want to tell us they have the only real news predicted a resounding victory for Hillary as late as several hours into the election coverage.  It was almost comical watching the New York Times prediction literally invert.  But it really wasn’t funny.  People telling lies about serious issues is not funny.  And it is even less funny that now that they have been outed, they are doing everything in their power to achieve full propagandistic control of all media. It’s not working, any more than their shameful agitating for Hillary did.

Thank God Trump is going to be our next President, though.  All of this was in the wings with Hillary–she already had her sights set on Drudge and Breitbart–and we are seeing even now, with the unprecedented efforts to bully the Electoral College into betraying the American people, how fully they reject the very ideals of democracy.  There is no good there.  There is nothing kind, gentle, understanding, loving, compassionate, or honest.

Did you motherfuckers give a rats ass when conservatives explained all the reasons they opposed Obama?  No, you motherfuckers called everyone who didn’t kowtow immediately to your Commie propaganda a racist and whatever else was handy to tack on.

Why should the REPUBLICAN Electors, not counting the meatstick who lied about responding to 9/11, needs to be fired, and who was likely never a conservative in the first place, give a flying fuck what all you butthurt assholes believe now?  You lost.  Fucking deal with it, the way you would have DEMANDED we deal with it if America had been stupid enough to elect that dishonest, treasonous cunt.

No, I am not feeling generous, and I suspect I have a lot of company.  You sons of bitches should have just said “OK, we lost”, like EVERY OTHER losing party in the history of this Republic.  Your disgustingness is particularly pungent NOW, though, since you swore to “accept the results of the election”.  Hey douchebag: that’s not what it looks like.  Go sit in a fucking hole somewhere and ask people to pour dirt on you until it all feels better.  For the rest of us.

Being an odd sort, I was looking at a Catholic cross with Jesus on it, and thinking it made no sense. Spikes through the hands would likely tear out, and who in Gods name would want to try and drive one spike through two feet, even if somebody was trying to hold the still? Ponder the logistics of that: starting the nail, having a foot thrash everywhere, then trying to get a second foot? Seems unlikely.

And why support the feet at all if the goal is slow asphyxiation?

Here is a link on crucifixion: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crucifixion

Here is what I propose: a T, which is simpler and easier carpentry, reusable as they point out, and attested to historically. You tie the mans wrists to the crossbeam, haul it up only enough to get his feet about a foot off the ground–two guys with stools could do this–THEN nails his hands down, just to be sure he doesn’t wiggle free. Then you lash his feet to the pole, so he can’t move around, but so they give no support to his upper body

His diaphragm is forced to work much harder. Most of us, we get some lung motion by raising our shoulders. This is no longer possible.  The ability to inhale deeply is compromised, and breaths become shallower and shallower. The death is like a slow drowning.

In Christs case, though, there was such a ruckus that he was pulled down prematurely by a Roman and killed with a spear, just to put an end to the circus.

I read today that Sweden is preparing for civil war, Rome is on the edge of it, and 1,000 Muslims tried to shut down part of London to call for an end to women’s rights, gay rights, and freedom of speech and religion.

And it occurs to me the situation is exactly analogous to what would have pertained in the Greeks had placed windows in their Trojan Horse and yelled “we are going to kill you” out the windows as the horse was wheeled in, and the Trojans reacted by saying “those Greeks are such KIDDERS!! Anyway, we don’t want to seem judgmental and risk hurting their feelings; and, 24 hours later, their city in flames, the Trojans weeping and saying “how could we have known it would come to this?”

As I see it, barring extraneous factors like a global epidemic, a general scientific epiphany that there is a God and it can be studied empirically (my hope), or some sort of revival from within Islam, either the modern era or the Middle Ages will prevail in Europe. There is not room in the long run for both, and as Mark Steyn argued some time ago, demographics favor the repudiation of women’s rights, gay rights, etc, and a return to public execution for all manner of non-conformities.

It seems obvious to me that calls for Jihad and Sharia need to be treated as the very real treason they are. Sharia, where found operating, needs to be treated as sedition. All customs which specifically single out women for differential treatment, and which use violence or the threat of violence need to be classified as “terroristic threatening” and prosecuted as actual assaults. Any mosque with repeated offenses, or which is home to frequent offenders, should be shuttered and destroyed.

It seems obvious to me that many Muslims are also disgusted by the violence and hatred they see in their own, and in much of what they read in the Koran. Islam, at root, is about the sense of peace won by submitting ones behavior to the rule of law, and to absolute fidelity to an Almight God, who is one.

We offer no support to moderate Muslims. If they speak up, they do so at considerable risk, and with little hope of effect. Leftists ignore them because they loathe their own culture, western media is not interested, and the radicals see, name, and punish them if they can.

The core untruth of Leftist discourse is that bigotry is the only possible lens through which to see the world. In this lens, all whites are guilty and all Muslims innocent. That this is stupid and childlike–and inaccurate–should not need to be said to anyone, but it remains the worldview of most academics.

Seeing the world as it is, and applying principles WE DEVELOPED, like that of universal human rights, is the first step in the also needed Western cultural reform. We have so many good things to offer the world. Our collective suicide is not one of them