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I love William James

“The luster of the present hour is always borrowed from the background of possibilities it goes with.  Let our common experiences be enveloped in an eternal moral order; let our suffering have an immortal significance; let Heaven smile upon the earth, and deities pay their visits; let faith and hope be the atmosphere which man breathes in; and his days pass by with zest; they stir with prospects, they thrill with remoter values.  Place around them on the contrary the curdling cold and gloom and absence of all permanent meaning which for pure naturalism and the popular-science evolutionism of our time are all that is visible ultimately, and the thrill stops short, or turns rather to an anxious trembling.”

From this blog post:
http://whitecrowbooks.com/michaeltymn/entry/suicide_and_the_life_after_death_factor

I need to read more James.  I need to read more, period.

I will note in passing, though, that my goal with this blog is not to summarize the words of others.  You can do that yourself.  My goal is to say “I went down to the river today, and this is what I found.”

I don’t read as much as I used to, because my own thoughts keep me entertained and busy. I hadn’t thought of this until now, but I think that is true.

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True wealth

As I try to impregnate, to invest, my actions with active feeling, I am struck how undignified and immiserating it is to be continually in a hurry.  How can you take pleasure in a day when it is one stressor after another?  How can you feel the dignity of being human when you are continually racing from here to there and back again?

I was in the book store yesterday–I am glad there are still book stores–and saw Marie Kondo’s book.  It occurs to me today that most of us could stand to see our TIME uncluttered.  Watching mindless TV, for many of us, is the equivalent of a closet filled with shit we don’t need, will never use, and yet still manage not to throw away.

Do you have time to spend a few minutes today watching a rain shower, or birds singing in the trees?  Why not?

How much do you really need?  Your mansion will not save you from premature death from stress, chronic anger, chronic frustration, and alcoholism.

A Return to Dignity.  This might be a good motto for something.

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The plus side of McDonald’s

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5826669/Will-Kim-seek-burger-diplomacy.html

I think that, while it is true we have people stupid enough to compare North Korea to Libya, there are also MAJOR differences.

There is really no internal opposition to the Kim regime, and has not been for many decades.  There is no civil war waiting in the wings.

And if Kim is at the point where he is willing to liberalize economically, to allow private investment, to create wealth, to bring in plentiful foodstuffs, then there will be no reason for rebellion for some time.

His hold on power might be a bucking bronco for a minute, but while I am not one normally to vote for tyranny, tyranny with food and opportunity would be much better than what the North Koreans have now.

Trump has demonstrated many times now a pattern of making extreme demands, and then relenting.  He is by design unpredictable, because he learned long, long ago that this improves his negotiating position, especially if he is starting from a position of strength.

I don’t know if complete denuclearization is a reasonable demand, but RELATIVE decreases would certainly be a reasonable demand, in exchange for opening up the North Korean market.

A plan can be developed for a complete denuclearization, but over a window of, say, 5 to 10 years.  This gives Kim a chance to see how things go–none of us know what will happen, but at least as far as the people of North Korea it ought to be good–and then make a decision.

For our part, there is no need to invade a nation which is liberalizing.  It would be counterproductive.  It has seemed obvious for some years that the North Koreans are kind of in a deep freeze, and will need to be thawed out, politically and socially speaking.  And this would have been true if we could have conquered North Korean with magical dragons with no loss to ourselves.  We still would have had a nation of people used to absolute tyranny.

I think cautious optimism is warranted.  Trump is unpredictable, but he is not stupid.  He has a plan, and that plan can certainly embrace limited steps on both sides in the near term, followed by a reassessment in a year or two.

Kim can give us three nukes now, and we can build 20 McDonald’s in Pyongyang, to be staffed by local people.  Trump can build a tower, or have some other developer do so, and Kim can open an office to evaluate the hundreds of investment plans which will likely come flooding in if and when various corporations become convinced he is serious about opening up.

North Korea could become like Cuba.  I am no fan of Cuba, obviously, but Cuba is better than North Korea currently, and anything which deescalates nuclear tensions has to be good.

And who knows?  Perhaps Kim will prove smarter than the Castros.  They could have done so much better than they did.

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Commentary

Without fear, there is no relief.  Without hope, there is no vindication.
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Insight

I think I have figured out why I have so much trouble forming new, more healthy, habits, despite a reasonably strong will.  More generally, I think I know one reason why life seems so hard to people with PTSD.

As a reward hormone, as a “the world is right at the moment” hormone, dopamine is secreted when the person is within a relatively normal hormonal state.  However, chronic hypervigilence, chronic amygdalic arousal, chronic stress, prevent the normal operation of this system which allows people to become behaviorally and socially nested in a conscious and affirmative, healthy way.

If everything is frightening, then the very hormones which would and should calm you down are not secreted.  Given how much of life SHOULD be habit–what I have called acquired instinct–this requires continual exercise of renewed judgement and will power.  When you should be able to go on autopilot, you can’t. 

In my own case, cooking frightens me.  How is this even possible?  I don’t really know, other than all things which work to empower me seem to have been beaten out of me at an early age, making all positive things things which frighten me.

But, again, SEEING THIS amounts to a beginning of a cure.  What do I do?  I consciously connect with my emotions when I am doing something I want to make a habit.  I allow myself to feel good, to engage in positive self talk and reassurance, and in general to remain emotionally present.  It takes a little more time to do it this way than to force myself to do x, y, or z, but it is untangling a thread I want to make long and strong.

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Kinesthesion

The process of consciously going into and feeling your body.  It is the tactile equivalent of visualization, except that you feel what is there, rather than see what is not.

I don’t know if there is a need for this word, but it’s my blog and my playground, so fuck it.  

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The core problem

With regard to my last post, I will comment that the core contradiction at the heart of our society and culture (to the extent it is represented by our institutions of “higher” learning) is that those trying to run it seek an aristocracy of spirit, without believing either in aristocracy, or spirit.


That their intellectual output looks like a 200 flies in a shoebox should surprise no one.


But the hunger for power remains. This is our problem, those of us who retain some shred or shreds of sanity.  It is the problem of all people of good will, who value freedom, human dignity, human rights, and genuine morality.
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One post

I had mentioned a few ideas I had last week.  Week before last, now, by my reckoning. Here is one.  It is in many respects a repetition of an idea I have shared many times, but in others, not.

I was listening to a BBC podcast on Alexis de Tocqueville, and they commented on how little he cared for the homogeneity of our culture, of how “democracy” precisely meant that there were no great men, as Europeans of his time would have understood it, and how most Americans were mainly interested in making money and joining clubs, and that was about all we cared about in life, beyond our religion.  We did not produce “artists” worthy of the name, he felt (they critiqued this claim by pointing out that Poe, among others, was active at this time).

And it clicked with me that while he admired much of our democracy, much of our system, he still felt the need for a nobility, for a class of superior people, however defined, in order for our CULTURE to flourish.  You have on the one hand “mere” money making, and on the other, generative, creative, better people who teach the commoners how to live, or at least demonstrate an alternative.  A purely “bourgeois” culture he could not accept or embrace . There had to be great art, great music, great literature.

Then it hit me that intellectuals–particularly Continental intellectuals, and those influenced by them–never rejected the notion of nobility, of class, of social structure:  they merely posited that post-religious thinkers and artists should occupy the position of nobility.

When you run the past 200 years of intellectual and political history through this Rosetta Stone–what I call a Tubaform–then EVERYTHING makes perfect sense.  The Dictatorship of the Proletariat is merely the “ancien regime” reinstalled per the specifications of the aspiring elite.  They don’t reject the idea of rulership, merely the idea that people they consider their inferiors–hereditary nobility and clergy–should occupy any of those positions.

It makes sense why someone like Jean-Paul Sartre would hate engineers.  I read this was a favorite insult of his.  On the surface, this makes no sense, since social engineering is at the heart of the Communist project.  It consists in little else. (and for my part, I am quite happy to think of myself as an engineer of ideas, which is why I invoke it in the first paragraph of my essay on Goodness).

But for Sartre, it meant “this person is not one of us.  He exists purely in the practical domain, which means he is spiritually inferior.”  Sartre literally thought of himself as an aristocrat of spirit.  And he gave himself to the public as something like a prophet.  Although I have not read much of the explanation he himself gave, it seems likely he refused the Nobel Prize not because he felt inferior to it, but SUPERIOR to it.  It was a bourgeois–which is a synonym for “intellectual commoner”–prize, given by people he was better than.

And the logical conclusion is that the creed of egalitarianism is one proposed and pushed by elitists, by people who simply want to remove classes “out there”, but who never for a moment consider that they themselves are anything but morally nobler, and fit for nothing BUT rule.

So over the past 100 years, particularly, you have two sets of people competing for the affections of the poor: the intellectuals, and the actual middle class.  The intellectuals don’t care about the relative poverty or wealth of the poor (this is obvious), but rather about the installation of an intellectual state which is satisfactory to their “spiritual” ambitions of being a ruling intelligentsia.

Against this, you have small business owners, and large factories, hiring the poor, paying them good wages, enabling them to move into increasingly large homes, and free to be as intellectually mediocre as they like.  Catastrophe, from an elitist intellectuals perspective.

This explains the hatred of the bourgeosie: they are competitors, those who are feeding the hungering masses, when they should know that they don’t live by bread alone.

Paradoxically, the intellectuals here, then, become martyrs to the middle class, and hateful and resentful.  In their own minds, they are the Christ figures, misunderstood, mistreated, maligned, but still worthy of worship.

Obama was their apotheosis.  He was perfectly worthless.  He knew nothing useful about anything.  No one could accuse HIM of being an engineer.  I doubt he ever even took any math classes.  Reading scripted lines–and repeating cant and propaganda before that–was his main forte.  But he BOUGHT INTO the notion of the inherent social superiority of intellectuals.  That was quite sufficient.

And my God, could anyone be more opposite than Donald Trump?  Bad hair, bad grammar, money obsessed, intellectually incurious: this stupid, destructive motherfucker just wants people to make money, to be prosperous, and to buy more TV’s and automobiles.

Gotterdammerung.  Small wonder their small minds and smaller spirits are so obsessed with him, and with reversing history and the will of the people they actually hate.

Ponder this.  It is a slightly new angle on an old theme, but sometimes getting just the right angle allows you to look far down the tunnel, or in this case, the hole where the wild and sick things go and grow.

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The root of violence

I was doing a deep relaxation this morning and came upon some very primitive feelings, feelings which were plaguing me last night.  I feel sometimes almost infinitely lonely.  It goes far, far beyond anything which is reasonable given the amount of human contact I have.  I have friends I see every week, a couple of whom will be quite sufficient to listen sympathetically to nearly all my craziness.  One, in particular, has heard nearly everything.

But ponder a baby who is yelled at for crying, for wanting attention, for craving some sense of connection between how it feels, and how the world reacts.  A baby who has been shouted into silence, by a mother who is tired of being a mother, and vastly prefers chatting with her friends on the telephone?  Imagine this child is sensitive, and highly intelligent.

I got to that feeling today.  And it is like a wall which rises to the sky.  I cannot imagine a way around, under or over, or through it.

What I have learned though, is that such feelings are not walls at all.  They are knots.  And some part of our unconscious knows how to untie them.  It is not something which does, or could, happen in the conscious domain.  So I’m feeling this terror that perhaps I am going crazy.  My rational mind says: you have been here before.  You have endured this before.  What you feel, now, you will not feel in twenty minutes. 

And so it was.  The monster has to get close enough to you for you to feel its breath, before it finally loses interest, and begins to wander away.

And what I felt is that evil is the result when the sense of self is tied to a tension which never eases.  When, to let go of the tension, you have to lose your sense of self for a moment, without having any way of knowing if “you” will ever come back, or who you might be.

Evil is this, and it is a habit, a habit of violence.  You get them before they can get you, but they are only getting you before you can get them.  I watched this video on stress last night, and found it interesting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYG0ZuTv5rs

About two thirds of the way through, they tell the story of a pack of baboons who underwent a period of death from disease.  They went from being typical baboons, which is to say a set of assholes bullying and torturing everyone with less status around them, to being what we might in some respects describe as a peaceful, Christian community, all within a short period of time of perhaps less than a year.  They lost one habit, and gained another.

Identity is such a mutable and odd thing. In some respects it is the habit of “being” who you think you have always been.  But I am finding that faith in something we might call the Inner Healer, as they do in Holotropic breathwork, and perhaps other places, is useful.  You have to let go, fall, and let something else take over.

You may find it interesting, or something else, to know that I put some mustard seeds on my little altar.

And the mountains Christ referred to: those are within us.  Sometimes mountains need to be moved.  This is the hard work, the long term work, the backbreaking, terrifying work. 

But it is THE work, and no less.

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Comment

I was pondering William James observation that not only does ones belief or disbelief in God–or at least an afterlife of some form–matter, in important respects little else DOES matter, even in small matters.

And it hit me: logically, if there is no divine justice, then there is only human justice.  And if there is no human justice, then there is no justice at all.  The world has no moral form at all.

Would this sentiment not be quite sufficient to motivate many to make a God of “social justice”, even if they make of that God an idol?