My intent at the moment is simply to establish a habit of tracking, while trying to access this old, old part of me, and build a healthy relationship with it.
I know what to do. Everyone who needs to lose weight knows what to do. My intent and task is to make doing the right thing feel good. Hunger is not very painful, and frankly sometimes I feel better when I haven’t eaten in a while. This is not a pain which prevents anyone from losing weight.
The pain is change, and the pain is risking releasing the emotional hurt which chronic overeating has served to mask. As I’ve said, all addicts are in a relative state of homeostasis. What they do keeps them going, so they keep doing it. Dropping a crutch means risking a fall. We all feel that, somewhere. This is why continuing the same way feels so much less dangerous than trying something new, even if the same old way has its own pain, such as poor health.
This dialogue here is me beginning to become serious. I am asking the questions, interrogating my unconscious, my protective self.