I’ve been thinking I probably overshared in the last post. It would not be unreasonable to think I’m losing it. My daily reality is not easy, and the truth is that if you dropped the weight I carry on someone else who was not long used to it, it would cripple them. They would become catatonic or have a nervous breakdown.
But not me. I’m used to this. I deal with it in various ways, and work daily on it. I’m eating a large elephant, and I think only today realized how large it is.
As my knots uncoil, and my tight spirals unwind, what I am realizing is that for all intents and purposes I was tortured as a child. I was terrorized, physically abused, and had zero attunement from my mother. I should be much worse off than I am. I am lucky that I have a very robust physical constitution, a very good mind, and a seemingly innate passion for truth telling. My best explanation for my emotional survival is that I brought a very strong spirit into the world.
Hope for me. Good things are on the way. It’s still hard times for now, but I am beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel.
I do some combination of AVE, Neurofeedback, Kum Nye, Yoga, myofascial release, Sauna, and weightlifting every day. And when time permits I am going to try some drug that shows promise with PTSD, like ketamine or mushrooms.
I also take fish oil, gingko biloba, bacopa, Lion’s Mane Mushroom, and a few other things daily. My physical health is excellent. I just need to lose a few pounds!!!!