This one was so in my face I could feel it’s forehead on mine. I could smell its bad breath. It told me to stop speaking, to cease what I am doing. I was frightened for a moment, then thought about it and small submissions always become large ones, so I told him Fuck you. All large things begin as microfractions of an inch.
Brainwashing begins by convincing yourself there is a 1/100th of an inch difference between two pencils. The next thing you know–but of course you don’t really know, because you is now gone–you are cursing Capitalist Imperialists, and singing the praises of the Virgin King Emperor of North Korea and his utterly just war with the money hungry thieves of the Southern Regions.
Then I woke up a little bit, thought about it, then summoned him back and cursed him properly. Real or psychic emanation, I am not going to be fucked with.
Then I woke up: shit, I’ve only been asleep a couple hours. Well, I learned long ago their only tool is fear, and I am learning to manage my fear. I’m learning to manage them. I had two a couple nights ago I got rid of easily. This is the weird thing about all this: all of them feel qualitatively different. No two feel exactly the same. It’s not a recurring thing: it happens in many different ways.
I will say, though, that my third eye is so active I can feel it strongly. It is ringing like a bell.
In this strange place, we don’t know our destinies, but I know mine is to do the work I do. It is what I am. It is who I am. It cannot stop. I will not stop. I have already thrown myself in the abyss countless times. I have already faced death more times than I can count. It does frighten me. I suppose it always will. But I cannot surrender who I am, will not surrender, and so I will be thrown against the cliffs until they break.
I don’t know if that is a good metaphor, but it’s how I feel. Back to bed.