It occurs to me as I look at my own emotional energies that the true toll of being molested is not so much the physical act, so much as being forced into an accommodation with someone CAPABLE of that. The abused or neglected child is forced into a sort of Stockholm Syndrome. It is all the time when you are NOT being molested, but being forced to act normal, being forced to live in denial, that truly causes lasting damage. Authenticity and emotional honesty become impossible, and are quite often never again attained.
And in my own case I have always felt like I was molested, but I wasn’t, at least as far as I can tell. Both my mind and my gut tell me I wasn’t. But what makes sense to me is that the same sort of energy, that same combination of emotional detachment, and excessive clinging was present, and had a similar effect.
And I’m not sure why I’m using this as my journal. I suppose the orthodox answer would be boundary issues, which I have certainly struggled with.
But in my heart, I do also wish humanity well. I want everyone reading this to take courage in their own struggles, to see that many other people are secretly facing similar demons, and handing them an ass-kicking.