We are presented daily with a nearly infinite amount of possible complexity. We survive with heuristics and habits. We form patterns out of the overwhelming chaos. Some things stand out; some we ignore or don’t even consciously see. These processes happen on a deep level.
How would you know if you passed up an opportunity your unconscious did not even allow you to consciously become aware of and evaluate in the daylight?
How would you know if some part of you gravitated to things which over time would prove destructive, if it felt “right” in some sense?
I do think this universe is interactive, but I don’t think it rewards positive thinking directly. I don’t think there is a “law” which says that if we think constantly about what we want, it will be hand delivered to us in a gift wrapped box.
Neither do I embrace an idea of life as INHERENTLY one of struggle.
What I think happens is that small differences over time add up to large differences. People able to imagine themselves succeeding notice and exploit small opportunities as they present themselves, and over time this leads to much larger successes.
Me, I have to second guess my intuition, because half the time it leads me astray. This is what I was taught. This is what I have internalized. This is why inner work is necessary for long term success.
Now, this by no means absolves me of responsibility. No sane person should want to be absolved of response-ability, because that is a prima facie rejection of personal agency, and the possibility of GROWING beyond your–my–temporary constraints.
And there is, in my view, inherent benefit to figuring the system out, to learning to recognize negative patterns, and learning to diminish them.
And I would add that taking responsibility is not the same as beating yourself up.
I was watching a documentary/interview with Ingmar Bergman, where he was asked about his sundry and profound failures as a parent, if he felt guilt. His reply was consonant with something I decided for myself.
He said something like: self abuse, self flagellation, is a form of vanity. I cannot undo what I did wrong. It was wrong. I admit it. And there is NOTHING I can do about it now. I was an immature, self serving adolescent until some time in my fifties. I can’t go back and become a good parent. I cannot heal, now, the wounds I inflicted then.
I think there is wisdom in this. Theatrical guilt is a form of display. It is a distraction. It is a way of avoiding learning the lessons that need learning, and getting on with a better way of living. You cannot undo hurt. All you can do is become a better, more giving person.
And I will add that I say this as someone with a reasonably clear conscience. My worst sins, by most standards, are pretty weak. But the guilt I feel is comparing who I could have been, with who I was.
But the more I learn, the more I see that all of us are in large measure simple progressions on the path on which we began life. What merit is there in focusing on failure, where we did less than our future selves now feel was possible?
We can only exist in the moment, and try to do better. That is all we can do.
And I think many moral narratives are polluted by the absolutisms of most religions. Certainly in my case, growing up with the threat of eternal damnation for moral failings of a scale I had and have no means to assess, I ingested a sense that all small failings were large failings. There is little compassion possible in a world where the stakes are eternal and unavoidable. It does not breed nuance. It does not breed a spirit of exploration, of failing and getting back up. What it breeds is conformity and fear.
These are the issues with which I wrestle daily, and I think that is the case of most who grew up like I did.
It is so easy, SO EASY, to choose an absolutism, to abandon curiosity, to abandon open hearted and open spirited exploration.
All Fascism and Communism are, are secular rearticulations of ancient solutions to the problems of confusion, belonging, fear of the unknown, and the omnipresence of the possibility of death.
And all Islamism is, is a revivification of old solutions in the face of modern terrors of inordinate complexity, death, and moral confusion.
We need new pathways. We currently live in an ocean, and many drown. Again, this is what I am working to create. I have yet to create myself, though, and that is the logical first step. Until you can trust your unconscious, you can never know when you are leading yourself or others astray.