At the same time, I often trust my gut, my intuition. The previous post was the result of being attacked twice in my dreams last night by Islamists. One shouted “Allahu Akbar” (which means in most cases “I am about to shit on God and curse the righteous”) and threw a grenade. Another tried to infect me with anthrax.
I very much believe that dreams CAN reflect deeper realities, realities outside the realm of my own unprocessed and unconscious emotions. I still have a great deal to get through, so this could be some remaining reflection of self sabotage.
At the same time, I do feel a Muslim influence in all this, and it seems likely the Saudis–who as a nation are unimaginably rich–are playing some major role in world affairs.
That is not what I wanted to post about, though. I don’t claim to operate a normal blog. I am odd in many ways, but I cherish that. I think everyone should cherish the gift of being unique.
In my meditations recently, I have realized that when dark forces come up, I do not need to resist them. Satanic powers will eat me, attack me, destroy me, and I can watch on calmly, as I have realized that I come back, I revitalize. What I am cannot be destroyed. I need fear nothing. My body can be destroyed and my mind perverted, in this world. I can be brainwashed and broken.
But some higher self exists which never touches this world, which enables a “reboot”. This means I can be absolutely persistent and indestructible, in an absolute sense. I am unstoppable.
And I have been watching these things arise and, say, bite my head off and eat it, and I realize that what it is eating, what it can touch, is not my actual head. My body consists in light, not darkness, and darkness cannot touch light. To the extent it is doing anything, it is helping me purify myself.
I think this is the essence of the practice the Tibetans call Chod.
I will add as well an interesting experience I had yesterday. Due to a bad decision, I got stuck unnecessarily in traffic for 45 minutes yesterday. I’m like anyone else, and really dislike prolonged periods of alternating between stopping and going five miles an hour for twenty feet.
But they talk in Kum Nye about integrating experience with breath, so I thought I would try that. I focused on my impatience and sense of being trapped and did my best to expand it, and blend it with my breath. And to a great extent, it helped. What I realized is that once you embed that process of accepting experience and blending it with breath you don’t conquer those feelings once, but potentially permanently.
What would life be like if you were permanently beyond complaining?
The flip side of this is that it is possible to suppress feelings, to never ask yourself who you are and what you really want. Most people do this. They fall by chance into one pattern or another and even though they are vaguely dissatisfied, they never address it.
I think a life well lived is one where you consciously pursue the things that make you happy, and on the flip side learn to accept without complaint all the inevitable inconveniences and sufferings of the world.
As I have said often, I view Kum Nye as an effective system for this, and will go farther, actually, and say that in my own experience it is by far the most accessible pathway to the sorts of realizations Buddhists talk about. I feel most other forms of meditation get the cart before the horse: they ask people to meditate before they have learned to feel and to relax.