Last night, just as the engineer was going to show me the keys to the building–the controls–the orcs and Giants broke through the gates, and surrounded me. They were going to kill me, but I surrendered. I normally fight them and win, but this time that seemed inappropriate for some reason. Then I awoke elsewhere (in the dream), free again, but they were still loose.
As I contemplate this, it seems to me that the evil forces represent limitations, parts of ourselves which perform the function of limiting us, keeping us within bounds. Particularly in traumatic situations, it is best not to feel too much. It is best to limit spontaneity, best to control thinking and emoting, to allow some things and actively discourage or even squelch others.
But this is a very unsuitable situation in conditions of freedom. What was a protective angel because a jealous captor. Life evolves.
We use the word “healing” for going beyond the boundaries dictated by survival in a bad situation, but this is really not the best term. What I think we fail to realize is that we were bound BEFORE. When we shrink in response to survival necessity, that becomes our new reality. This is the reality of having endured trauma.
Growing beyond this, experientially, in terms of how it actually feels, feels like crossing new ground. We can gradually grow to remember old feelings that were discarded out of necessity, but we now know about this process of growth, and that necessarily brings into question the old boundaries too. You are shrunk, but then come to realize you can expand past where you were. This is how trauma, pain, difficulty, can be liberating. It brings out the awareness of possibilities you had never had cause to suspect.
Experientially, this feels to me like creation. So, until I change my mind and come up with something better, I propose we call this Psychogenetic Expansion. “Healing” lacks all ambition.