For myself, I often imagine jumping into an unsupported vortex, a world of energy without solid ground, and I feel a fear of falling, a vertigo. But I do it anyway. And it occurs to me this is an energy–a primal instinctual fear–which we must also master. This is the root of the idea that jumping out of perfectly good airplanes is somehow a part of a Life Well Lived.
But Falling in Love. Falling into Bad Habits. Fallen by the Wayside. Raising yourself up. Etc.
I woke up dizzy this morning. I didn’t got to bed drunk, I don’t think I have an ear infection. I have to wonder if it has something to do with these blinding headaches, and blurred vision.
Just kidding, that would gratify some.
No, it may be an ear infection, but what I think it is is the externalization of anxiety as a sort of psychological hysteria, where emotional symptoms become manifested physically. And in the same sense that negatives coming into consciousness constitute in my view a sort of release–their mooring have been undone, and they have been condemned to the current–so too, I think, is a release of hysterical (I am using this term in the clinical sense of Freud’s time, and in which he used it before his cowardice and ambition got the better of him) energy. That is good.
If this body is an engine, we have to learn to engage with and master its energies, which are primarily hunger, sexuality, and fear of falling. That is my view at the moment. I am typing this rapidly on the way somewhere to someone who will be annoyed with the delay. C’est la vie. C’est la guerre.
There are guerillas. Are there Guerissimos? I want to be one of those.