In my sessions with the therapist, I was getting very powerful abreactions–shaking, involuntary vocalizations, powerful feelings of sadness and anger–and we just kept going. She’d elicit a reaction, I’d go, it would subside, and I’d say go again. Her word for my pain tolerance was “unnatural”. I take this as a compliment.
As I think I have mentioned, I have started drawing a Tarot card for each week. Today I drew the 5 of Swords for the second time in about 6 weeks, which is as long as I’ve been doing it. Odds: less than 1 in 10.
What I am finding is that these cards are interpreted many different ways by many people. This means I can interpret it any damn way I want, and if it is helpful psychologically, then so much the better.
If you look at the picture, you see the figure has picked up his sword, and those of his comrades. They are in despair. They have given up. He knows better. He is going to get them back in the fight. This is the Go Again card. Fuck the odds, fuck the past. Go again.
I will add as far as Tarot generally that this is a very interesting practice even if you don’t believe anything more is going on than pictures popping up. All of us have a great deal of deep, latent content. If you doubt this just read up on the work of Janet and all the things he could do with hypnosis. I see the claim made occasionally–presumably by people suffering from some degree of emotional dissociation and following hyperintellectualism–that the unconscious does not exist. This is patent bullshit. We are oceans: some calm, some stormy, most a bit of both. And that is fine. It is as it should be. We can all learn to swim, and to build boats. That is and has been my work.