In general, what drives you also torments you. You should both thank it and curse it.
The wounds of hatred are never direct. What happens is the hate of others–which you can assume to be an outward expression of self loathing–induces, through resonance and conditioning, a sense of self loathing in you. That step is not necessary if you simply observe, as Eric Baret among others points out, that what they are actually hating is a projection of some lost part of their own personality.
And more generally, the meme of “hate” has obviously been co-opted to SUPPORT hate. This is obvious, right? While it is true that Americans owned black slaves (as did and do many Africans, with the slave population in Ethiopia being roughly 20% or so of the whole nation until the Italian Fascists freed them), and that lynchings happened, and Emmett Till and Medgar Evars were murdered and etc., THE CIVIL RIGHTS STRUGGLE WAS SUCCESSFUL.
What was sought was a chance equal to that of everyone else. No more open discrimination. As Frederick Douglass wanted, black Americans got the right to try and succeed, and try and fail, in a world which was not actively working against them.
Legally, that happened around 1965. Practically, most true discrimination based solely on race was gone by 1990 or so. What true racism remains comes from the frequent perception that black in general are less educated and more prone to criminality than most whites. And the data backs this up. Every individual deserves their individual chance, but if general statements are generally true, I would not call that racism. I would call that a call to action. Because you have to choose to believe either that blacks ARE inferior, which is the truly pernicious form of racism; or you have to grant that the social systems which should have been lifting them up have instead been keeping them down, as I believe to be the case.
The problems are obvious: terrible schools, in too many cases a culturally conditioned contempt for formal education, a dearth of good jobs in historically black neighborhoods, and too many single parent homes, which reliably create higher rates of everything bad, including criminality. That last applies to all races.
So you can tell easily enough who the TRUE allies of the black community are. They are talking about the importance of fatherhood. They are working to implement Charter Schools. They are creating supports for black businesses, including tax incentives. And they are certainly not advocating for making violent streets MORE violent by getting rid of cops or bail. Some are perhaps talking of needed police reforms. Some of that is certainly useful in some places.
But overall the Left is BY FAR the worst enemy the black community has. It’s not even close. Had they been left alone they would be much, much farther along by now. Effectively, the Left is in a codependent relationship with them, with the goal of ,making them permanent dependents on the State, which is to say of Democrat politicians who look at their offices as opportunities for getting rich and yanking people’s chains.