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Fear

I have to say I think I am one of the bravest people I know.  Every night I don’t drink my body does really unpleasant things to me, things that have nothing to do with detox, and everything to do with things I can’t remember.  I think sometimes I have imagined things, but bodies don’t lie.

I see very unpleasant images in my dreams sometimes, but I have reached a point where no demon frightens me, no monster can make me run, and finally the weapons I use against them are working.

There was something close to a psychosis waiting for me in that bag of tricks I pulled out of the dark.  I have managed it with persistence, courage, and not inconsiderable emotional intelligence and skill.  I still have miles to go, but I think it has finally been forced to reveal itself fully, and it did not kill me.

I’m likely a bit crazy for posting this, but it seems to comfort me somehow, and small comforts are always a blessing.

I am winning.  That is the bottom line.  I am winning because I did not quit, and I did not let the horse buck me.

I will add that I don’t see me ever changing my political views. They were won at too hard a cost.  I reasoned everything through from first principles and based on a pretty comprehensive view of history.  I have evolved on the Iraq War, for the very simple reason that we have, now, precisely what we fought to prevent; and even if our brave troops go in there and clean house, we can never trust that people like Obama and Clinton will not go right back out and lose yet another war for reasons which are unclear, but certainly ignoble, unprincipled, and unworthy of the sacrifices made.

Let us defend our borders, and let us do what we can to figure out who the traitors were on 9/11.