I have tapped into my trauma, and looked it in the face. I have allowed my body to speak, through shaking, involuntary verbalizing, and regular sessions of just sitting and allowing myself to sense what it is doing.
What I am realizing now is that the only way to complete this process is to have FAITH that it can and will complete. Only trust will do it. Only a sincere love of myself will do it, and love always requires faith.
Related note: You know, I rarely write in my diary any more. There are certainly many things I wrote there that I would not have written here, but in some odd way this feels to me like a communication, a communication to a perfect listener who never interrupts or offers advice. This itself is therapeutic.
I am of course ridiculous in some ways, but perhaps evidence that God has a sense of humor. He created me!!!