EmWave2

I have really been using my EmWave2 seriously for a month or two, and what I have just realized in the past few days is that I can use it as a sort of auditing device, in the Scientology sense.  As I understand it, what they do is in effect hook people up to lie detectors, then read a series of words or phrases to them, and see where they react.  When they react, they are supposed to go into and experience those feelings.  That is my understanding.  Stan Grof speaks of this basic process with approval, although of course the rest of it is a mess.

I try to get to 200 twice a day on the High setting.  What I notice is that I will do fine for a while, I’ll get to the green, but then suddenly it will pop over to red.  What I have started doing is passing a baton in my imagination over to that part of me, the traumatized part, the part that wants to drag me down to prevent something worse happening to me.  I give it the baton to speak.  That alone is usually enough to flip it back to blue.

But recently it has been giving me memories, sensations, unpleasantnesses that I had suppressed.  I have a lot of unprocessed content, because I more or less never STARTED processing feelings.  I was traumatized before I could speak.

And this is a good thing.  It represents a method of house-cleaning.

Today, as an example, it gave me dinner-time.  Every evening was unpleasant, as my father would bully us, while pretending to be funny.  For many years, the compulsion to stand up and leave the table immediately after any meal was nearly overwhelming.  Numerous people I actually liked commented on it.  It was a strongly conditioned response that was very hard to suppress.

Well, I went into that feeling, and started shaking, per Peter Levine, and immediately felt something pop, and felt better.  I went right back into green.

It would be foolish to think that’s it, but it’s a good start.  In the grand scheme of things, that was a very mild trauma, but it has less hold on me now.

As I mention from time to time, I share too much. This is none of your business.  But at the same time, I can’t shake the feeling that it is POSSIBLE that sharing this might help someone.  Anyone reading this blog does so of their own free will, and can stop any time they like.  So you are used to me now, and if you keep coming back, there must be a reason.

Again as I mention from time to time, I also believe that in a higher sense, nothing we do is invisible to higher powers.  I can’t hide, and there is no point in learning to try.  Whatever light I have, I do my best to contact and show.