You cannot fill an emotional gap with anger. It might appear for a moment, for a time, to work–and in the flow of experience it does mask the gap–but in the long run that gap will stay the same or even grow, while you are not paying attention.
You can’t worry about what you did not get, or are not getting. The task in forward progress is always to tell the truth, and pay attention to the countless little emotional details which do in fact act to fill the gaps. Imagine contentment not as a unitary thing, but as countless little bits floating in the air, that will nest in your holes if you let them. And in aggregate, they will stop the leak.
None of us need be zombies, even though that is an apparently widespread tendency.
From time to time I “cite” popular culture as a referent. Here are the lyrics to “Wake me up inside”, by Evanescence.
Frozen inside without your touch,
Without your love, darling.
Only you are the life among the dead.
What happens if both people feel that way? What happens if neither feels the power to wake the other up? You get zombie parades, metaphors made real.
Here is the music
Listen with attention to the quality. It starts innocently, almost music-box like, in trembling intimacy, fear and hope, then distortion intrudes, and the fear wins. She’s unwilling to admit final defeat, but clearly there is an energy pushing her away from the very person she needs, and she is caught in a whirlwind of confusion that feels like death.
Listen in your life. See. Feel. Genuine hope and progress float around us, as invisible but helpful motes of the genuine air we need.