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Dreams

286, I remembered, and a third of a bottle of Aquavit.  I like Aquavit. That is not a therapeutic dose for me, so that is a sort of progress.

I slept tolerably well.  Restless, but no major traumatic emergences.  I spent some time dreaming the inner emotional reality of my marriage, and part of my time being in high school, trying to decide what to do with my life.  I could be a painter, or an engineer.  A doctor or a lawyer.  Or I could found a religion.  What? some voice inside me said.  That isn’t a thing.  That’s not one of the categories.  There’s no box for that.

Well, I said, it could be looked at as artwork.  Most art is largely useless, so if I’m wasting my time, there is a precedent.  It seemed to be OK with that.

And I spent a lot of time dealing with what I will call “emotion shapes”, things which had visible appearances and corresponding emotional tones, but which I could not name.   When you are dealing with unconscious forces they can hide behind X and Y.  You know there is a quantity/quality of some sort, but you can’t solve for it.  You can merely watch the math being done.

Overall, compared to how I imagine normal sleep for most emotionally healthy people, I’d give it a B-, which is quite good.  I’m mostly F’s.