Somehow (most dream stories start like that, don’t they?) I was a soldier. I came on a group of other soldiers. Somehow we had split a city block off and were on top of it, charging into a battle.
I asked one of the soldiers who was in charge, and they said “you are”. It took me a second, but I processed this. Then I looked at where we were going, and realized most of us would die, so I sorted out the chain of command. I asked “when I die, who is in charge?”, then “when he dies who is in charge?”
And when I said “when I die” I felt no fear at all. There was no emotional charge at all. I had a job I was going to do, period, and my dying simply was the cost of it.
This was a sort of courage I have never felt. Normally I’m adrenalized. Normally I am excited when I do something scary. That wasn’t present with this. It was absolute calm clarity and focus.
I take it as a sign of growth. You can’t be scared of everything forever.