Dream interpretation is notoriously subjective, but I think in my case, without expanding too much, I will say that this was a positive outcome.
The reason I post this, is, one, it is an interesting outcome to me, and may be for others.
More importantly, what I will submit is that with prolonged effort you can mobilize unconscious resources in the accomplishment of your conscious aims. Usually, they are in some combination of support and antagonism. Usually you are driving with one foot on the brake and one on the accelerator. This is everyone, until they are scrubbed clean, however that happens, of undesirable unconscious crap.
My own goal is to unleash elements within my personality dedicated wholly to building all day every day. What is love but a heartfelt desire to build up everyone around you? To help them mobilize their own resources in the spirit of construction? The goal is to build small things and big things, to build perceptions and things, art and houses. There is a relentless spirit that can animate all of this, dedicated wholly to the Good. I can feel it and want more of it.
I am slowly making progress. The night before I had the experience of what I will call “vomiting pain” all night long. I was releasing sustained pain that did not stop all night. But it was immensely useful, and I will do it again and again until I get this thing right.
Many years ago a psychiatrist told me my problem was unrealistic idealism that I refused to let go of. To a great extent this was true: my misery results in no small measure with an immense impatience with the way things are, with the way I am, and an absolute refusal to assume the best is not possible. You think like that, you are dumping a lot of weight on your shoulders, you are certain to endure many years of doubt, darkness, and difficulty, and you can NEVER be finally successful.
Ah, but what a dream!!!!!
I have posted this before, but will share again a poem (song) I have on my wall:
To dream the
impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the
unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star
This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far
To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause
And I know if I’ll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I’m laid to my rest
And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star.