I thought: I have no word for this. So I invented one. Moving away from horror is dis-horroring, but I wanted de- and that doesn’t work without an S. Then deshoring popped in my head. It alludes to the original word, without including it. It also conjures an image of casting off to sea after being stuck shoreside for a very long time.
Taking a piss in the gym today it occurred to me that logically if the two biological imperatives are reproduction and energy capture, Freud erred–as he always did, after coming so close to a truth (he had an amazing intuition, but his intuition about his intuition was horrible)–in privileging the sexual instinct. Logically, you cannot reproduce if you fail to reach maturity, and you can’t do that unless you can find and consume energy sources, aka food.
This makes digestion superior to sex as a primal drive, and as a content of the unconscious. This, in turn, opens up a lot of interesting ideas. What are people obsessed about? Sex and food, but not necessarily in that order.
If you think about it, abnormal relationships with food are potentially as interesting as abnormal relationships with sex. That kid surfing porn? Let’s find out more about what role those Cheetos play in his life. I’m serious.
I wonder and I wander. It’s what I do. It’s perhaps my defining trait. I like myself, all things considered. I am not jealous of anyone, and I like my life, exactly the way it is.
I will add that I felt, too, how anger has a form. It is the same energy which powers a sense of the magical, a sense of curiosity and open connection. But it has a skin. It is contained. It is simultaneously a pushing and a resisting.
Do with that what you will.
I don’t always agree with myself or even understand myself, but sometimes I do.