Connecting the days

“They” tell you you have to have a morning ritual to “win the day”.  Me, I’m trying to see if I can connect days.  I have always dissociated every day.  I’ll start out in the morning often full of vim and vigor and somewhere in there a circuit breaker pops, and whatever I set out to do is gone.  I get the basics done.  I take care of myself reasonably well.  But I have a period within which to do it, then all bets are off.  One day never leads to another.  No sustained day after day progress has been possible for me.  I have of course made progress, but only by regularly making an effort on THAT DAY, and managing to string a number of single days together through my body, but not my mind.  I’ve deadlifted 510 and back squatted 420 through this process.  I have degrees from two good schools.  I’ve kept my business alive.

But I think I can do better now.  In the morning I fill a teacup to overflowing with water with a pinch of tea in it, then try to remember to empty it in the evening.  I forgot last night.  I have however managed to weigh myself every day for two weeks in a row.  This should not be much of an accomplishment.  Any idiot could do it, of course, and perhaps many idiots do.  But I have been the sort of idiot who could not.  My drinking, of course, has been a significant if not defining factor.

This morning 288.  I think I am going to track these three variables, publicly: my drinking, my weight, and whether or not I remembered to empty the tea cup.  These are barometers for how I am doing.

I will add that mindfulness is more or less equivalent to mental health.  Being present emotionally and perhaps spiritually. I do not think many of us can reach mental health THROUGH mindfulness though.  Rather, I think many of us cannot, even if some large number can.

For me: not a fucking chance.  I did meditation/mindfulness for 5 or more years.  It could not get to my brain.  Only Neurofeedback is able to do that, or so I believe.  This does not diminish the value of these practices, it simply means some of us have to do a lot of work merely to begin properly.