Confusion is a place where you are not sure where you are going, or why, or how long it will take. You are not sure who you are and what you believe. Confusion allows you to try on emotional costumes, form new constructions, no longer confined by what you have always taken to be true.
We need to be clear–I say this constantly. Clarity is a core value of mine, but I am seeing, increasingly, the yin and yang. Actually, I think I have said this, but clarity sometimes comes from confusion.
Is it not true that most confused people are unaware of it? I was reading a Facebook conversation where someone who had lost his phone repeatedly asked anyone who found it to call him; and he was unable to understand why people were mocking him. The ability to receive calls was so rooted in his experience and consciousness that he was not getting it. I myself find myself turning on the light switch over and over when we have power failures, even though I KNOW it won’t work. Habit is both a friend and an enemy.
And I think it is OK to be weak sometimes. The trendy word is vulnerable, but for some of us weak is a better word. Not in control, not seeking to be in control, drifting, wandering, like a rudderless boat down a dark river.
So often, I feel, we fear confusion, we want to drive it away, come back to the land of light and clarity. We crave an end to it so much that we finish the work of being confused prematurely, and reach wrong conclusions, in varying degrees.
Today–this week–I am confused. Unclear. Obfuscated, blocked, in the dark, ignorant, lost, drifting. And I’m going with it. Time is a luxury I have this week. It truly is a luxury I would wish on more people.
I am stupid. Dumb. Imbecilic. And it’s OK for now.