There is not as much difference as you would suppose between living in a world consisting mainly in projections, and living imaginatively in a purely fictional place like Narnia or the world of Harry Potter.
Procrastination is a sort of suicide. All wasted time is. It is some portion of life which goes unlived, and which disappears with no trace but the memory of what could have been, possibly with a sense of regret.
It seems to me, for this reason, that dual track of Buddhist practice consisting in meditation and what I always see called Skillful Means makes sense.
On the one hand, you learn stability in silence, and learn to “move” in stillness; and on the other, you learn stability in noise and hustle and bustle, and learn to remain dynamically balanced–which is a form of stillness–while moving, calculating, deciding and doing.
We all fail. It is nothing to be too concerned about. I am writing this because I am reflecting on my own countless wasted days (and nights). I was a drunk for many years. I tried really hard, but I couldn’t figure out how to balance my pain with my life.
There are a lot of us.
But do something daily to raise your game. That I can honestly say I have done, and it is slowly, slowly, slowly paying dividends. Don’t expect immediate results of any sort whatever. But also never forget to show up–to some extent, in some way–and try. Treat it as a principle, and it’s likely it will slowly grow into something real.
And I will add that much or more time is wasted in excessive haste–in a desire not to let one moment pass without a moment’s worth of distance run–than in excessive indolence. There is a balance.
And as I say, my emerging simplification of the purpose of life is to simply enjoy a simple gratitude and pleasure in life, in the small and large troubles–which can be seen as challenges and tools for both growth and warranted self approval and self esteem–and of course the countless small pleasures that are everywhere, and the large ones which also happen from time to time. Enjoy moving and enjoy being still. Enjoy silence, and enjoy noise. Enjoy your work, and enjoy what emptiness and expansion you can find on your meditation cushion.
It’s a question of balance, of riding the ups and downs of life like a good equestrians rides the ups and downs of a horse on an uneven landscape.