I just finished watching Kieslowski’s Blue. It is the best treatment of the process of grief and mourning I have ever seen. It was hard to watch at times, but ultimately redemptive. I don’t know who the composer was, but the music was quite beautiful.
And it occurs to me that a principal challenge I have faced is both the presence of grief, and the fact that it is linear. A typical cycle of grieving is life-death-life. I started with death.
I have done the thought-work of creating a complete world for myself, cognitively. I have developed a moral code, and comprehensive worldview. I have understood myself deeply, down to a very, very primitive level. I know where I come from.
But it seems to me now that the only way forward is to allow myself to touch moving water and let it guide me into something new. Will will not avail me in this process. This is my truth, today. Acceptance must be my truth today.