As calm begins to penetrate deep within me, I see how insane it is to want to be a warrior. To be a warrior is to be a worrier. It is to be constantly vigilant. It is to be constantly thinking about the tricks your enemies can play, and how to play tricks on them. Courage in the face of superior intelligence is wasted. The life of a true warrior is the life of the mind, of thought. This applies from the level of strategy to the decision whether to thrust left or right, flank left or right, in individual combat. Intuition does play a role, but only after all other cards have been played.
In life we mostly do not get what we want. To be a warrior is better than to live in helpless fear, or in the complacency of willed ignorance.
There is something beyond this distinction. That is what I am presently looking for.