This should probably be five posts. But it isn’t.
I saw this quote on my Facebook, which was the sort of thing I would do if I were clever and trying to shut me up, which cited an Arab proverb (supposedly): “It is good to know the truth and speak the truth, but better to know the truth and speak of palm trees.”
A few days later I saw something like that on a church marquee, something like “wisdom is knowing what not to say”, although that’s not it.
A day or two ago, again on Facebook, Voltaire: “One should always speak the truth, but should not always speak all the truth one knows.”
I myself seem to be transforming a bit. The squeeze to write is lessening a bit. The push.
And I’m not blind to the futility, in some respects, of trying to be smart in a world filled with smart words, which are ignored by people who have chosen to be blind. There is nothing I can say which has not in some form been said, in most cases long, long ago, and in most cases vastly better.
I can rail against injustice and stupidity, but have not people like me been railing against injustice and stupidity for all of recorded time, and presumably long before, and been roasted on bonfires and had our heads smashed in for it?
Yes. Yes. But that is the game. Words can be magical, too.
Joanne Rowling, in her guise as Dumbledore, as expressed in the magic of imaginative fiction, which tends to create very real outcomes in the measurable and sensible and emotive worlds of its participants:
Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.
So, after that exculpatory ramble, perhaps issued mainly to myself, I offer some random observations which I can only communicate to you in the inferior medium of words, which will receive what light you bring to them.
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Many of carry destruction in us like bombs with lit fuses, which we can only fall on, or throw out into the world; in both cases, the explosion creates blindness in us while it creates pain in ourselves and/or others. I think the explosion usually affects everyone around you. And these explosions can be nearly continual. Trauma is a wellspring from which new water emerges continually.
That blindness looks like logic and common sense, caring and compassion. That is what we call it, and through a determined act of imagination it can SEEM that way. But that is not the reality. Much of personal growth is realizing all the damage we have done without intending it, without realizing it, and in most cases actively and consciously as what we intended to be moral acts.
If I have one theme I would like to be known for, it is perhaps that there is no morality without wisdom. Niceness can hurt people. Compassion can hurt people. And violence is sometimes compassionate. People who are hurting others need to be hurt to be stopped, sometimes.
Hitler should have been stopped by military force when he started rearming, and no later than the reoccupation of the Rhineland. Lenin should have been stopped when he was still fighting the White Army. Churchill made these arguments at the relevant times, and in both cases was rebuffed as a war monger.
But his war mongering, so called, would have led to perhaps 200 million or more less violent deaths in the 20th Century. No Soviet Union, no Maoist China (and no Maoist famine), no Communist North Korea, no Cuban torture chambers, no Vietnam War. No wars in Angola, and Afghanistan and Nicaragua and El Salvador and Chile. The list is very long, and entails a good many of the countries on the planet. Arguably, Islamic terrorism never would have come about, since that seems to have been an invention of the KGB, as alleged by a Rumanian defector.
Most of our violence in the 20th century would not have happened if Lenin had been captured and hung until dead.
And if you have denuded yourself of the power of anger, of violence, of conscious destruction (versus passive, blind destruction), then you have eliminated your power of mobility in the currents of life. You have rendered yourself someone that things are done to, and who cannot meaningfully contribute to the lives of others in any genuinely creative way.
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In the act of sex, a man inserts himself into a woman. This is an intrusion. Contemporary feminists, not entirely without justification, for this reason see all heterosexual sex as rape.
Here is what I would suggest to balance this observation, though: the woman surrounds the man. She envelops him, encloses him. She encircles him.
I think most violence against women comes from the realization by men, at some primitive level (I nearly said Neanderthal, but they may have been smarter than us), that women are actually our masters. They are smarter than us. They see more. Some men accept this, and some men see it as a challenge to their notion that they are supposed to be in control, and superior.
But I think all men live in the spell of women, or at least a woman. And she is not good, or evil. She is not even trying to do that. Her energy field just goes much farther, and encompasses more. Women are like men, obviously. They get confused. They have conflicting emotions. They get hurt emotionally perhaps more easily, but they are also more resilient. What ruins a man for life, a woman will get over in time.
There is magic in sexual energy. This much I agree with. But I obviously differ from those who say it should be USED for something. For example, I was reading last night about Jimmy Page’s long term and openly acknowledged admiration for Aleister Crowley. The ZOSO thing actually IS an occult set of symbols.
No, I think the ideal is a mixing of current. Men are condensing and coalescing and shrinking. The tendency is to emotionlessness and virtually perfect stupidity amid continual motion.
Women, in turn, tend to expand and expand into continually shifting whirling patterns of movement outside of and inside of themselves, which provides endless information, but information that is hard to understand, to verbalize and to use, and they tend, in my observation, to get confused and immobilized. Men tend to shatter this, and bring them down to Earth. But they tend not to want to stay tied to Earth, which is part of why much conflict happens. Most men, in this and many other countries, don’t really feel on a sensitive level. That takes training for us.
But in a perfect world, in a perfect relationship, you get a balloon afloat in another world, self aware, tethered to Earth, but moving to the Sun, to the Light, which is about all we can ask for in this life.
My two cents. Most of this is abstract. In my own case, I think I am still afraid of women on some level. I agree with Gabor Mate, who said this in “The Wisdom of Trauma” that most men are. You cannot interact deeply with a woman and remain fixed in one spot. And they are always smarter than us, and one step ahead.
Humility and acceptance are the obvious paths. They need us, too, in many ways. That is worth remembering as well.
I will end this ramble by noting that I liked and continue to like the parable that Doris Lessing created in “The Marriage of Zones Three, Four and Five.”.
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Some notes from my phone:
Fear is not meant to last. It is a passing shadow that gives texture to light.
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Skillful means is connecting organically in action to the flow of feeling felt in meditation. For most intents and purposes, it is the act of making meditation useful and practical.
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We want better relationships but do not accept that the path is individual, personal growth. For relationships to grow in aggregate WE need to grow in aggregate. This is the basic potential of Individualism, which waxes and wanes in its reality and always has.
Think about it: how selfish is it to seek in others what we lack in ourselves? That they give to us something we lacked the ability or will to build in ourselves?
And this is complicated even further by the observation that often what we think we have found in others is actually a projection of our need, and that disappointment is inevitable no matter what the other person does.
To my mind, Individualism is, yes, a modern notion, a modern philosophy, that the individual is the root element of society, and that individual moral conscience is more important than conformity to the collective. This idea, expressed as such, is uncommon in world history. In most places and times and peoples, the CLEAR expectation was conformity. No one was asking you to formulate new ideas, merely sometimes to compare some present situation to tradition, to interpret something concrete in the patterns of your tribal or religious history.
But this sense that every person has a discrete relationship with the Divine has I think recurred often around the world. Inevitably it will conflict with the Power Elite of that time and place, because in speaking for REALITY, they themselves maintain a place of superior status and privilege and usually wealth.
But can anyone see through anyone else’s eyes? Feel with anyone else’s heart? It is always tyranny asking you to subordinate your own perceptions to those of a collective, and always has been. Individualism is about the looseness needed to not be an idiot.
And in that regard it occurred to me to comment that serious things should usually not be taken TOO seriously. You need wiggle room. Nothing good comes from compulsion, or a thirst for perfection.
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Psychological cannibalism is a thing, isn’t it? Eating up people’s essence, eating their dignity, their self worth, their joy?
I wonder sometimes if many male sex addicts–and I would extend this to all men just looking to “get laid”–are not really wanting some emotional part of the woman without giving up any emotional part of themselves. After all, getting laid is getting consent, and consent is an emotional concession in many ways when she knows he is giving no love back.
People who wear you out just being with them usually, I think, know what they are doing. If they make you feel tired, you are probably giving them energy without realizing it.
Both of my parents, I think, were emotional cannibals. My father has passed, but I think my mother still is.
In a sense, this is brutal. It is HARD contemplating that both of my parents were consciously hurting me all of my childhood and all of my adult life.
But I think this is my life’s work. When you get broken, and everything is taken from you but health and intelligence and some innate capacity for endurance, what comes of it? It’s all very interesting. I hate it and I resent it. But it is still interesting. All of this, everything I write, comes from this place.
I am a thought worker. I am highly intelligent. I am also probably the most likely of everyone I know to get so drunk in public I piss my pants and get mistaken for a homeless guy. It’s an odd contradiction. I’m better, MUCH better, than I used to be, but I’m still sometimes a mess.
I think the reason I am still alive is I GO for it. I’m not holding back. I’m leaving nothing behind. If I set sail, I set out all three sheets. And it hasn’t killed me yet, and since it is slowing down A LOT it is unlikely to at this point. I’m physically active enough that my liver is most likely fine, and I take as many supplements as old people take medicines.
That’s enough of that.
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Observation: Doctors have been functionally eliminated from this pandemic. Banished. Rendered irrelevant. They are not needed to do the tests, and no TREATMENT, no healing, no palliative care, has been PERMITTED by the MEDICAL ESTABLISHMENT until the patient gets sick enough to enter a hospital with a very good chance of dying.
Put another way, no doctor who is abiding by NIH guidelines, is relevant in ANY WAY with respect to this pandemic, unless they are working in a hospital. And in the hospital, they are still irrelevant. Remdesvir is the only allowed remedy, and nurses can administer that. Nurses can administer oxygen. Nurses can put people on respirators, and orderlies can pull their dead bodies out and cart them to the morgue where their death will be misclassified.
But every doctor in every medical building, or private practice can do NOTHING to help ANYONE, if they abide by what the Centralized Bureaucracy has ordered, despite all the SCIENCE to the contrary.
90% of our doctors, I would guess, have been ordered to sit on their hands by the Party, and dissenters severely punished. Dr. Peter McCullough, to take the obvious example, was in effect fired from Baylor Medical School for TREATING COVID, and doing so effectively. He didn’t kill anyone. There was no malpractice. On the contrary: he HEALED PEOPLE.
In what sane world are people like that fired? In what sane world are lawsuits then filed to distance Baylor from McCullough? The shame there accrues 100% to Baylor administrators. Those mentally ill fucks should be ashamed of themselves, and everyone involved professional censured.
And I would say generally that all medical professionals who PUSHED all this, and who PUNISHED dissent should be censured professionally. Their licenses should be put on probation, and the only reason I don’t think they should be revoked is that we would lose half the doctors we have. I’m not entirely sure that would be bad in the long run. A system vastly less good at pulling people out of the holes created by bad lifestyle choices would over time likely induce better choices, but certainly a lot of fat, stupid, lazy people would die in the meantime.
If that sounds judgmental, it is. But it’s worth pointing out from time to time that medicine starts with your mind, and is expressed through YOUR eyes, mouth, hands, and feet. It is expressed through your decisions.
And as reckless as I can be, I have limits. There really are lines I don’t cross. There is method in my madness.
What I see are people crossing lines daily that don’t need to be crossed, and doing it continually over many years, then asking Medicine to fix them. It’s expensive for “Society”, which is why our medical costs are so high, but it’s also a loss of life, of vitality, of purpose, of everything which being human is supposed to make possible.
None of us were born to get fat watching TV. That is sitting life out, more or less literally. I go weeks without turning my TV on, although I obviously spend too much time on my computer. But even when I’m on the internet, I’m learning something, or writing something. This is not much, but it’s something.
I’m a fuckup in many ways, that other people are not fuckups. But if you point that out to me, I will agree, to the extent it is true. You really only criticize people you hope can do better.
That’s enough of that. Basta.
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What if this whole planet is a halfway house filled with the fuckups of the universe? What if the Buddha and Jesus were sent here as a condition of probation? What if all of us are so far below the average standard of the spirits in the rest of the universe that they find it hard to differentiate Mother Teresa from Ted Bundy?
We like to think of humans as amazing, of “man as the measure of all things”. But what if, from some unimaginably superior level, we are just “them”, and looked on with distaste?
Can you say this is impossible?
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Idea of deep ache, and deep ache people. I was driving to a bar the other day, and thinking of someone specific. I thought “she is a deep ache person like me”.
Deep ache people tend to live in foxholes, and so we have a hard time seeing each other, but it’s still an interesting phrase, to me.
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Self loathing is still attention. Ponder this for a moment.
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Thought is a way of subduing experience. It tames it and weakens it, and dilutes it. Small wonder thought becomes obsessive in people who are emotionally wounded.
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The way to depression through trauma is the shame pathway. Trauma can express as shame, and shame as a sense of inferiority, such that true connection is impossible. Since we need other people–at least at a certain level of development, which is where most of us live–this felt sense, which usually expresses as ideas too, is bound to generate sadness and depression.
I have read in the past that depression is repressed anger. But repressed anger is really a poor functioning of the fight/flight/shame response, and probably related to the fire alarm I have mentioned repeatedly that Bessel van der Kolk talks about in “The Body keeps the Score”.
So it is not unreasonable to see chronic depression as another manifestation of chronic anger and chronic fear–a three face Janus– which is to say, as another manifestation of unresolved trauma.
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The idea of Mass Formation, which in my awareness is uniquely related to Mattias Desmet, although of course he cited earlier sociologists like Gustav Le Bon, works PARTLY to explain what was made of this COVID pandemic.
The disease of course was and is real, and it most likely emerged from work funded by and PUSHED by the US NIH, most likely in cooperation with the Chinese POA (People’s Oppression Army), and which I personally think was RELEASED consciously by the Chinese in February and March of 2020. I have shared the story I heard of a man who shared flight with a Chinese man seemingly only there to be sick in public; and another of a Chinese woman also seemingly there to be sick in public, which are two stories told me first hand.
But as Desmet points out, ALL OF THE MODELS WERE WRONG, AND KNOWN TO BE WRONG NEARLY FROM THE BEGINNING.
Frances Collins–fuck that piece of shit, and when he dies I will piss on his grave if I can get away with it–said that if we had not done these lockdowns many more people would have died. This, DESPITE THE CONTRARY EVIDENCE OF SWEDEN.
Sweden was the control group for these global policies. And Sweden showed CONCLUSIVELY that all this was bullshit. MORE PEOPLE DIED, BY A LARGE AMOUNT, BECAUSE OF THE POLICIES FAUCI AND COLLINS AND REDFIELD PUSHED.
And this is just over the past two years. We cannot yet factor in honestly the deaths from the “vaccines”, both immediate, and near and long term from induced autoimmune disorders, growth disorders in children, heart disease, strokes, blood disorders, cancer and other things.
Nor can we factor in deaths from suicides and drug overdoses that will happen five years from now due to lost life NOW.
Nor do we know–although good statistical guesses can be made–how many more people will die from what would have been treatable conditions like cancer and heart disease, but for which they received no treatment because they were scared to go to the hospital, or worse, because the HOSPITAL WOULD NOT SEE THEM, because it was waiting on a wave of COVID patients who never appeared, and FOR WHICH THEY HAD NO FUCKING TREATMENTS ANYWAY.
Jesus Christ is this a massive global clusterfuck. It’s literally of global proportions. This is the largest crime in human history, and I think it’s getting close to me being able to include even the World Wars in this, although we may not quite be there yet. I need to see starvation numbers from the developing world. We may have given them enough food to keep most of those deaths from disrupting too severely, for now. the Dominant Narrative.
But here is my point. I get there eventually, after exhausting all other options: this was a centrally coordinated crime, but the notion of Mass Formation gives the criminals a way out.
You cannot get this many people this wrong without central planning. If every clock is wrong in exactly the same way, they were set that way. This point, to my mind, is indisputable.
But that many people fell sway to the cult I have not infrequently called Branch Covidianism is also indisputable. These are the mask and vaccine Nazis. The school administrators throwing bombs at their children by calling masks “necessary” while wallowing in their virtue and putative “caring” (this is in fact a good example of what I discussed at the top of all this).
I don’t know how we get out of all this, how we push back to the extent the situation warrants against people like Bill Gates and George Soros and presumably the Rockefellers and Rothschild’s, and the other owners of Vanguard and Black Rock and State Street.
But I will always default to the belief that truth is the logical first step. Should I always speak the truth? Not all of it. Politically, though, should I always speak the full truth as I see it? Yes, I think the answer to that question is yes.
We can’t know what their vulnerabilities are. We can’t know what they fear. We can’t know what is possible for us. You have to do what you can where you are and keep at it until you are dead or in jail or the cause has been rendered for some time hopeless. It is never permanently hopeless, but it may be for the rest of some of our lives.
But persistence is the name of every game. What I can’t do in this life, I will do in the next. And who knows? Maybe some of these people are themselves tiring of their own games.
I read the book Neuromancer a month or two ago. I was struck by the ennui of the rich family controlling the AI in that book. The patriarch was interrupted in the act of killing himself.
Do you not think some of these Rockefellers and Rothschilds are like that? Their lives meaningless and empty?
I think much of this political shit comes from their own felt need for true relevance, for “doing good”.
But they are stupid. They understand nothing about the world or what it needs. They live on a high plateau where their connections are books and abstractions. That is how mass murder comes to seem a logical and even ethical “solution” (as in Endloesung) to the problems of human overpopulation and environmental degradation. And perhaps some of them are even stupid enough to believe in Anthropogenic Global Warming. Bill Gates, for example, may truly be that idiotic. That would make him a tool for the actually clever ones, at least if we equate clever with devious and at least scientifically literate.
Everything I write is an alternative to this mess. I am proposing, more or less as a fountain, new possibilities, or at least new possibilities to me.
I don’t honestly know if this blog is linked to my Goodness Movement website, but since I haven’t mentioned it in a minute, here is a link to a piece I wrote on the The Future perhaps ten years ago: