The following is pretty basic to my philosophy–which if it isn’t obvious is my own creative reaction to challenges in my own life–but I wanted to make it clear.
One of the principle challenges we face in life is the formation of an identity. This is made harder in conditions of constant flux, which reject the past, don’t plan the future, and whose constant noise and distortions make clear thinking and feeling of ANY sort difficult. Our TV’s and computers are our shrines; we talk to others through them, and are talked to; and everyone lives in a cave in isolation from their neighbors. This is all too often the case, in any event.
You “form” yourself by choosing principles: things you believe in. By establishing what you will and will not do, you create a shelter from constant change and the anxiety of never knowing who you are. It is a form of protection. Now, the exact content matters much less than the fact that you CHOSE them. They may be the same as what your parents chose, but you own them when you consciously recognize them as claim them.
What this shelter allows is greater clarity with respect to the world, and greater capacity for enjoying the countless small moments in life when calm emerges, and you can breathe easily.
I choose to believe in an after-life–nothing in modern conceptions of reality precludes it, and careful examination of the large quantity of actual evidence permits an intelligent person to conclude in favor of its likelihood–but what I believe applies equally to someone who does not. I have tried hard to scale my ideas in this way.
“Sin” is the process by which you renounce parts of yourself, in exchange for some momentary convenience or pleasure. You renounce yourself when you violate your own core principles. Even if you have never made them explicitly clear to yourself, you have them (unless you are a sociopath), and you KNOW when you violate them. You can choose to ignore the promptings of your better angels, but the system will always have been disturbed.
If you do anything but mourn your sin, and atone for it, you have altered yourself qualitatively. You have renounced a part of the identity and following simplicity that formed who you were. This increases your confusion, and makes telling the truth more difficult, until you confront the reality of your own sin.
This has nothing at all to do with Heaven and Hell, or external moral codes: the codes that interest me, and which matter, are the codes all of us AS INDIVIDUALS have adopted.
My personal belief is that there is no real difference between this life and the next, EXCEPT that you can no longer lie to yourself in the next. All your shortcomings, and self acknowledged failings will fill you, and you will no longer be able to push them away, or disown them. This is a type of hell, because when you internalize a sin, you cut some part of yourself off from humanity, and are correspondingly isolated not just from others, but from Beauty.
This may sound like so much BS, but I’m quite sincere in this. I choose to carry on in the face of difficulty not because I am particularly strong, but because my perception is keen that to do otherwise is to create MORE suffering for myself than whatever momentary challenge is facing me every could, no matter how bad it is.
Hopefully that is clear. If not, I will do better the next time.