Addiction

It’s a reasonably well guarded fact–one at least that I only recently became aware of, despite what I think is a well earned self image of being reasonably knowledgeable–that only about 1 in 20 AA members achieves long term sobriety. Most no doubt achieve short bouts of being clean, likely often with the assistance of court orders and looming financial disasters, but not long term.

This means that the job of addiction counselor is likely one filled, also, with tales of chronic failure.

I was thinking about it today, and I think if I were doing that job the first thing I would do would be counter-intuitive: I would ask them to take their time and provide as comprehensive an inventory as possible of what that substance gives them.  I would ask them to write poems of praise, provide music that supports them in that habit, and really inhabit consciously what is in that world.

This is what addicts are really up against.  They understand conceptually that, logically, their poison will shorten their life, damage relationships, etc.  They have been through the list of negatives that naive people think should be enough to get them to quit.  These lists, from the perspective of non-addicts, should be enough to make ANYONE quit.

But they have never been addicted in the first place.  What drives addiction is a deep-seated emotional lack, and no one who has not experienced it can really understand it.

In own case, alcohol has helped protect my self from very vicious assaults from a deep place within my being.  But I got to that place, and my perception of need to drink has plummeted as a consequence.

I had many good times drinking.  I really like alcohol.  I think I always will.

But I am looking at the inventory of the needed things it did for me, and that list has been shortened near to zero.  Right now, it is a cure for boredom, insomnia, and confusion (read procrastination) , all of which I have strategies for dealing with.  It is not a solution for a deep wound.  It is not a solution for a failed sense of self.  It is not a balm for fear.  I no longer need shelter from the wind.  At one time, and recently, I did.  Absolutely.  I do not regret my drinking one bit.  

It will be interesting to see how all this plays out.