A new way of thinking for me

A friend of mine pointed out the other day that a common feature of narcissists is grandiosity, which can manifest as a feeling both of being a unique genius and of always being right.  She was saying this in response to a particular political discussion I was having with someone, which was ridiculous and useless.

God knows there has been no shortage of commentary on this blog about narcissism, but that still struck me strangely, with regard to this particular person we both know but who I had never considered a narcissist.

And pondering all this, along with some other things going on, it HIT ME that every idiot you meet and interact with is giving you a huge opportunity to disinfect yourself of stupidity.  When you see someone do something stupid, ask yourself: is that in me too?  If their thinking is confused, ask yourself, HOW is it confused?  Why?  How can I take this thing apart and look at the engine, and see things the way they see them?  How can I replicate this belief system?

Obviously, some humility is always warranted, even if sometimes you still need to assume you are right for practical reasons.  But this would apply even to things like the older woman yesterday I was yelling at in the road, who I was giving a huge amount of space to merge, and even hitting my brakes, but who seemingly couldn’t even see me. (Especially when driving, it really is true sometimes that no good deeds go unpunished).

But if I replicate her, I’m not in a hurry.  And if I’m not in a hurry, then I’m not yelling.  And if I’m not yelling, then the day is better.  If I can get my pride out of the way–and where does this assumption come from that people should be smart, and drive exactly like I do?–then she actually has something to teach me.  To be clear, it was very bad driving, but she never knew she pissed me off.  I am the only one who suffered.  It may not be that she was the smart one, but it sure as hell wasn’t me either.

This is an interesting idea: use every annoying, emotionally shallow or stupid person you meet to examine yourself, and ask how much of them is in you.  What logical errors are they committing which you have committed too?  If they are simply being lazy, can you honestly say you are always diligent? 

Ask always: what can I learn here?  I think this will help make one aspect of life less unpleasant, and help anyone who commits to it grow smarter and wiser.