And when I die, however I die, I ask only that I die knowing I did my job.
And I want to be clear: I am not melancholy. Having a sense of purpose is a beautiful thing.
I will contextualize this post several ways. First, I just watched the first episode of Wormwood. I must confess to feeling uneasy, among other things, being reminded of the previously prominent roles both Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld held under Ford, and seeing documentation on the role they played, apparently, in suppressing further disclosure in the Olson case, which involved among other things willfully lying to and misleading a grieving family. I see no reason to doubt this happened.
Then I got wondering about Laurance Rockefeller, who funded Stephen Greer, not least after being reminded it was the Rockefeller Commission (led by his brother Nelson) which exposed many of the misdeeds of the CIA.
Then I read that Laurance funded the legal defense of a man I had not heard of, Dr. John Mack. Mack was a highly erudite, intelligent, and seemingly honest man who investigated supposed alien abductions, and concluded that, since the people involved seemed neither to be crazy nor lying, that something real must be going on.
This, my friends, is a rabbit hole.
Finally, most saliently, I was attacked by darkness itself last night. And I laughed at it. That was when I posted about fear. It was 2am. Who and what am I protecting? This is the foundational Buddhist question. It is the foundational LIFE question. What I am is indissoluble, and within that is the key to peace. Everything can be blown to bits, and yet something remains. It always remains.
My work continues. I have many, many miles to go. But I seem to going in the right direction.
Well, I’m off now to some sunlight. Enough of the cave for today.