We live in a world–I mean Americans specifically, but I think this is increasingly generalized–where emotional maturity or individuation is becoming much less common.
I don’t think most people ever truly grow up. They don’t ever truly accept accountability for their lives.
Me, I’m a weird hybrid of immature and old beyond my years. I can point to the spasms and terrors that pass through me each and every night, and honestly say I work daily, as patiently as I can, to make them go away. I can’t speak to other people’s experiences, but I can honestly say I work daily to try and learn more about the world, to understand it better, and to meet it with more honesty and integrity, which I suppose is mature.
What I seem to see in others, though, is a high degree of neuroticism, and a low degree of Extroversion.
I am, here, again referring to Jordan Peterson’s personality types. I am perhaps abusing them, and cannot say I have read either of his books. But in his course he speaks of Extroversion–which breaks down to Assertiveness and Enthusiasm–as the main source of positive emotions; and Neuroticism–which breaks down into Withdrawal and Volatility–as the repository/source of “negative” emotions.
What is maturity? It would consist in the ability to take responsibility for your own life. To not depend on others to care for you. To be the parent, not the child; the care giver, not the care needer. That doesn’t mean you never need affection–far from it. It simply means that you don’t suck life out of most of your interactions with others. You don’t suck money and trust out of others.
What makes maturity unlikely is a high degree of withdrawal–pulling out of the fight emotionally–and volatility, because consistency is really the bedrock of nearly all adult accomplishment, and volatile people are unreliable.
And positive maturity would involve at least a high degree of enthusiasm. Adult people pursue adult goals which make them happy. Things for which they feel enthusiasm. Long term goals that, accomplished, enhance their lives.
The opposite is neurotic misery, in which you cannot account for your days, and feel no strong impulses to do or accomplish or even be anything.
Immaturity is unhappiness. It is the opposite of flourishing.
It is ironic that in a time when human potential is so high–when we have ready access to nearly all human knowledge which ever hit the public domain from all of human history, much of which is fantastically useful–people are so miserable.
And here is the thing: people who cannot individuate, who cannot figure out how to thrive on their own, are BOUND to be attracted to Utopias. Imaginary places where all their misery and woe is made to disappear by SOMEONE ELSE, with NO EFFORT ON THEIR PART.
You get money every month forever. Your parents never disappear. All the worries and problems of life are dealt with by someone else. You can hide forever, from everyone.
That this vision is ludicrous is too much for most of these very fragile, naive, and weak souls to contemplate. And that the people most likely to promise such a pipe dream are psychopaths and narcissists is also too much to bear.
But ultimately, for all of us, happiness means taking on the fights of life, and learning to enjoy and eventually master them. Life in our world is easier than it ever has been, physically. Getting the basics on the table has never been easier. Surviving has never been easier. If we lack anything, it might be the true difficulty that makes it NECESSARY to grow up.
But hey, good news: Joe Biden is going to fuck things up so badly that you will get that difficulty. Most of you will immediately pine for Socialism, but that process will what creates true misery. Who knows, Starbucks may go out of business. In any event, a great many of you won’t be able to afford them.
The sort of shock inflation and high gas prices are sending across the economic landscape will split the world further into Haves and Have Not’s. That many of the Haves will continue to support the politics making this happen is simply testament to their irresponsibility and stupidity, and yes, immaturity. They may be lawyers and doctors, but they are emotional children.
ANYONE who is truly trying to be responsible has to privilege clear sightedness. You cannot make good plans with clouded vision. This much is obvious.