How, then, should we view the Era of Half Attention?
What happens to people who die addicted to their iPhones? Where does their consciousness go? I ask because it is hard to say where it was. Is there even an intact, whole person there to lose?
Who are we, when we live lives devoid of sustained silence, peace, and articulate and genuine humor? Take away all the masks, what is left?
There are many, many questions I have–aspects I am curious about–about what the long term consequences of this Great Pause will be. There will be good and bad economic aspects, and good and bad social aspects.
Will people be more patient, coming out? If so, how long will that last? I suspect lives are being permanently changed right now, both for the better and for the worse. More horror. More joy and kindness. More life.
I realized this morning, doing my version of yoga (I’m like Danny DeVito in Get Shorty: I don’t get anything right off the menu), that the primal terror I felt as an infant manifests as a fear of the world, which of course as it filters up into my rational mind translates to a fear of the future and present.
And typing, endlessly, on the internet, is how I dispel this fear. It is like an irrational magical amulet, by means of which I attempt to cast spells, preventing the inevitable.
In a sense, it is not irrational. It takes a consistent fear, and grounds it. My fingers hit the keyboard for long periods of time, usually daily. The panic and fear are managed.
But this whole thing is much larger than I have been able to ground. I’ve had to use other tools. And having used those other tools I’m looking back at this and wondering if this is really how I want to spend the rest of my life. Where are my books? My concrete accomplishments?
I think I am slowly learning how to live, and learning how to live necessarily means learning how to be comfortable with fear and confusion. And with the profound helplessness which in reality really does define us. We can control some things, but most things we cannot.
It’s really impossible to draw the lines, but for myself, what I feel is that I am a person divided. I need to stop that.