In recent months, I will not infrequently have unpleasant dreams that seem to in effect be the release of unpleasant emotional realities that were always there, but unacknowledged. You “know” a lot of things you don’t admit to yourself. All the COVID freaks know, unconsciously, that they are being lunatics out of a deeply rooted emotional need for submission to a place and purpose which our world has not provided them. The cult comes out of the NEED for a cult of some sort.
But last night, after having a few drinks with a few bar friends, the emotional tone of the whole thing came back to me: none of us really have a PURPOSE in life. I felt this. It is a painful feeling.
Me, I’m yammering continually. But do I REALLY believe I am making a difference, or likely to? On some level, I was told last night, no. Or at least not until last night. Maybe that feeling was released because something else became possible.
I did have a very brief moment a few days ago where I thought success for me was possible. I was crushed as a child, and that FEELING has never been possible for me. That is a big part of the reason I think so much: it is in compensation for feelings that have not been accessible for me.
So that is good.
But I think most Americans are passive nihilists. It’s not so much that we consciously reject God, or morality, or virtue, or purpose, but that we don’t EMBRACE it. There is nothing really there, no spirit, no purpose. It feels pointless, but we don’t let ourselves feel that. We watch football. We get in groups and cheer and “party” and lie to one another. That is what we do.
More active nihilism would be the Commune of 1870-1871 in Paris. I was listening to a short lecture on that last night. It is where we get, in my understanding, the word “Communism” from. It is highly romantic for many.
But when the French government was retaking the city, they–the Communists–burned as much of Paris as they could. They destroyed beautiful buildings, priceless art. They beheaded hundreds of statues. They would have burned the Louvre, if French soldiers had not prevented them. If I understood correctly, the Louvre had a library that they DID burn.
They more or less literally acted like scorned lovers who said “if we can’t have you, then NO ONE CAN HAVE YOU.” In an actual romantic relationship, they clearly would have murdered their lover, and then probably committed suicide.
This spirit is what we are facing in America today. The Left more or less WANTS to destroy America, since the dominant idea is that destruction is creative, and if you tear one thing down, something better MUST replace it.
This is of course inferior psychology. There is a patina of political and philosophical theory, but the emotional basis of all this is despair, alienation, and rootlessness and purposelessness, all of which are fostered and encouraged by the political philosophy and theory.
They tear people down first–and recruit broken people–who are then to tear down society. Fires everywhere: that is the aim.
I might comment as well that the emptiness dream was followed by visiting a Get Rich Quick seminar. I was in some hotel, where they asked you to spend thousands of dollars on trinkets, as a way to get rich, and of course they got rich in the process.
Many people have gotten rich peddling ideas of middling quality on how other people could get rich. Every book on getting rich made money for its author, and there are hundreds or thousands or tens of thousands of such books. I recall a cartoon from some years ago where the dad sends away for a $2 book on how to get rich. It comes in the mail, and the only text is “get everyone to spend $2 on your book.”
But the idea of striking it rich–especially quickly, which is an illusory idea for nearly all–is a big part of our culture too. So many dream of winning the lottery. That dream keeps many people going. I’ve stood behind them at the gas station.
So that is a feeling too. The aim is to get at the feeling, the “that-ness” of experience, to allow what was latent the ability to “speak”. It’s not easy. We hold so much back, for so many reasons, but in important respects, for self protection. We don’t feel what we can’t process, or which some part of us doesn’t think we can process (how smart that part is is an open question for me), so if you want to expand your experience, you have to improve your emotional digestion.
Think about it: if some part of you offers a feeling, and says “what do you think of this”, and some other part of you says “HELL NO I HAVE ENOUGH TO DO ALREADY’, then that first part will go silent. Your experience will contract. You will see and feel less, and your “world”–which in your conscious mind really is what you can consciously perceive–will contract.
That’s a bit of a jaunt. I have a picture of myself climbing a hill in Scotland with my walking stick and wearing something Victorian. Why? Because I CAN.